Liking young girls

Hi..

I am having some trouble at the moment because my girlfriend has just discovered that I like young girls. I am a 40 year old male and have always appreciated the beauty of young girls, I like porn with young girls involved and about 8 years ago I explored this part of myself quite often by looking at and collecting pics and watching porn online.

I have never purposefully sought out illegal aged porn but I have some pics still in my collection and some videos where the girls look about 14-16 years old. I don't remember where I got them from and I don't find them sexually arousing now. When I am out I look at some of the young girls that get around in sexy short shorts etc and find them attractive but the thoughts I have are not of a sexual nature....I tried to explain this to my current g/f,..she is 32...but she doesn't believe me.

I am in no way attracted to girls under the age of 18-19 sexually but entertained the idea of having an 18 year old sexually for a short time after a break up, also at the same time I was sexually involved with a 23 year old girl and I bragged about this as I was 39, I put this down to my head space at the time as I had just discovered my g/f cheating on me and we had broken up so sleeping with a 23 yr old made me feel good...and her age was a specific part of that but she was in no way illegal.

I had a large collection of pics some of which depicted young girls, some aged about 14 but now I don't find them arousing and its not something I think about very often. Every now and then I will look at underage porn but I feel guilty about it & disgusted in myself as I have two daughters one 12 and one 18...none of whom I think about sexually.

I am confused as to whether or not the feelings I have towards young girls are correct or not, sure I like to look at them but I don't think about having sex with them and I have never ever tried to procure a teenager for sex not even when I was younger.

My g/f now thinks I'm a Pedophile and she is suffering because she thinks that I don't find her sexually stimulating because she is not a young girl with hot body etc etc. I love my girlfriend and love having sex with her, I find her amazing and very sexually stimulating. I have always had a problem where it is very hard to make me orgasm through oral sex, this is just me but she takes is personally, also its harder if we have been having a lot of sex and she again thinks it is some fault of hers or that I don't find her satisfying that I cant orgasm.

I'm afraid that now she knows about the fact I like young girls sex between us will be weird and we will break up which is the last thing I want. She says she doesn't care about what I'm in to as long as I tell her about it but I was so ashamed of myself I kept it a secret until she dragged it out of me and now its an issue. She went through my history and saw that I looked at some underage porn 8 months ago, we have been together for a year and she is very angry and disgusted at me.

I have tried to tell her its not something that I look at regularly but she thinks as soon as she is gone I masturbate to it all the time which isn't true, sure I masturbate to porn sometimes but nothing illegal and I have shown her what I enjoy now but she still thinks I only like young girls.

I really don't know what to do from here....

My opinion is that you are going to have to separate how you handle this rationally, from how you handle it emotionally.
The way I see it, she is now disappointed in you because you view porn, and confused because of the type of porn you view.
What I think you should focus on, is reassure her that you love her, more than trying to reason with her to make her see things your way.

You need to accept that from her point of view, you are in the wrong here. And you need to make amends.

Perhaps you should suggest to her that you delete your porn-collection and stop downloading porn altogether (whether or not that is true).

In any event, make it clear to her somehow that you love her more than your porn.

Yeah that's what I have done and I have promised to keep her in the loop of what Iook at and what I like. Do you think the feelings I have are abnormal.... I can look at a young girl and find her attractive but there is no sexual desire at all especially for girls around 18 as that is my daughters age now and it's not an age that excites me at all that way. I guess if I had to pick a specific age over 20s would be the limit for me even though sometimes I look at younger girls.

Sounds like another report from the Insaneverse.

Good luck convincing "run-of-the-mill people" of anything that contradicts their culturally conditioned beliefs.

How would you convince a 'crazy Christian' that Jesus didn't ride on Dinosaurs; or a Taliban that women are people too; or a capitalist that property is an illusion?

Stick to the objective. Don't make any claims about the future: it hasn't happened yet. Avoid totally the "P" word. Don't justify or explain: that creates defensiveness and entrenchment in position.

Asides:

- when I read that you like teenagers and are feeling ashamed I snickered, anywhere in the world, or the past, besides the contemporary Anglosphere, attraction to teens is/was the healthy norm.

- pornography hurts everyone. And delete that stuff and get a new PC before you get incarcerated for 20 years.

I don't like the word "abnormal" in this context, as it to me feels subjective, relative, and condemning.
Looking up the definitions of the words:

Abnormal: Deviating from what is normal or usual, typically in a way that is undesirable.
Normal: Conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected.
Standard: Used or accepted as normal or average: "the standard rate of income tax".
Average: The result obtained by adding several quantities together and then dividing this total by the number of quantities; the mean.

So, I would rather say that pedophilia is an outlier in the variability of the human species, than an "abnormality".

Also, attraction comes in different flavors, there is the sexual, romantical, friendly, social, collegial...

Thanks for all the replies so far......I need to say that my girlfriend is one of the most liberal and understanding people I have ever met when it comes to sex and she is willing to explore many things with me that include a lot of kinky stuff including porn as long as its stuff wcan enjoy together; she is well educated and works as a medical doctor so shes not stupid or "run of the mill" its just this has taken her aback. She has asked me why I would prefer to ###$ an 18 year old who has accomplished nothing, still lives with her parents and hasn't even fully developed yet as opposed to a woman who wants to please me and has made something of herself, who is sexy for a lot of other reasons not just her age.

She described it as way more than left of center but put it in perspective when she said that its a part of me I don't like, which is true. I cant help it as its the way my brain works and apart from the observations I make when out in the world its not something I would or ever have acted on. I am trying only now to accept it and its hard for me and for my girlfriend.

MWB wrote:She has asked me why I would prefer to ###$ an 18 year old who has accomplished nothing, still lives with her parents and hasn't even fully developed yet as opposed to a woman who wants to please me and has made something of herself, who is sexy for a lot of other reasons not just her age.

Number of breedable years.

Back in ancesteral time, when evolution played more of a part in what character traits led to more successfull reproduction, a female specimen of the species Homo Sapiens Sapiens would do well to look to a successfull and resourcefull man who could support her and her offspring.

And a male specimen would do well to pick a woman who could breed the ten or more children necessary for two or three of them to survive to a reproductively mature age, before the female died at ~35ish.

Evolution is interesting, and evolutionary psychology even more so.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icmRCixQrx8

We are still trying to work through this and understand where each of us is in regards to what I gave admitted I like. I have told my girl the last time I looked at underage porn was in May this year and I felt bad about it. She has asked me what I look at when we are out in the street and I struggled to come up with an answer... Sure there are a lot of pretty girls out there and the way they dress is provocative but I don't feel any sexual urges towards them and have been mentally making an effort not to look.... In essence I am trying to train myself not to do something that I am ashamed of. I read once that I believe I can do anything and if at first I can not then I can surely learn to do the that thing. This is the path I am taking now and hopefully with love and understanding from both our parts our relationship will survive and grow stronger.....I know for a fact that I love my girlfriend dearly and do not want to make her feel bad or sick about a side of me i don't like so I will try my best to be the best I can be. I do however fail to understand how evolutionary psychology pertains to my current situation? Just because cave men needed teenager's to bare large amounts of children doesn't justify why I would like it now.... Also do you think the fact that young girls portrayed in sexual scenarios has a sub concious effect on men in general? Just a though?

MWB wrote:I do however fail to understand how evolutionary psychology pertains to my current situation?

Your girlfriend is inclined to thinking and feeling the way she does because of genetic programming.
So do you.
The difference is she does not accept YOUR thoughts and feelings, and also she seems to have mental blocks against understanding herself.
Which many, many adult women do have.

Which btw is why I don't really see a difference between many 30-year olds and teenagers. They are equally self-righteous, self-centered, self-justified, and dumb as a sack of horseshit.

But then again there are different things we feel we can tolerate in others, so if you are happy with her demands then fine.

I think you're abnormal... for not finding girls under 18 sexually attractive. Bit of a coincidence that your lower age of sexual attraction matches the age of consent rather than the biological reality?

I would dissuade you from looking at anything illegal though.