I am a Voyeur

Hello. New to the forum, obviously. I'm posting here because I think for the first time I'm finally realizing that I *may* have a problem. I'm a 21 year old male who has considered myself to be a voyeur for about 3 years or so. I found a website a few years back that posted candid photos and videos of fully clothed women and to my surprise I was extremely aroused by it. Previous to that I had always satisfied my sexual urges by watching porn. Shortly thereafter I stopped watching porn altogether and used these websites as my sole means of getting off. About a year ago I began secretly filming women, and I found that this further triggered arousal. All was good, or so I thought...

Then (for the first time in my life) I began engaging in a sexual relationship with a girl. The only problem was I no longer found myself sexually aroused by intercourse. As a matter of fact I found that I could only achieve an erection about 20% of the time, and if I did I couldn't maintain it for long. Sex just wasn't doing it for me. It sucked. I tried to come up with different excuses but only I knew the truth, and she would hit me with guilt trips all the time for it. I developed serious sexual anxiety and began to try to avoid it at all costs, eventually breaking up with the girl. Depression and a serious drinking problem followed shortly thereafter. Anyway, here I am 5 months later at the same place I was (sexually) before. I'm honestly worried if I'll ever be able to have a normal sexual relationship with another person ever again. I don't find myself physically attracted to the act of mating anymore, or so it seems.

I've recently made a few changes: I deleted all the film I've taken, I canceled any subscriptions that I had to candid websites, and I've tried to make a conscious effort to only "get off" to regular pornography. I think my sexual drive may be slowly coming back but it will take me awhile. This is very tough for me, though. I suppose it IS a form of abstinence after all.

So I guess there are three reasons why I'm making this post - 1) to finally get this $#%^ off my chest 2) to seek out any help or support that someone could possibly give me over these forums and 3) to *hopefully* find out that I'm not alone and that somebody else has been able to overcome what I've yet to be able to overcome. I really want to change because all that this is causing in me is bitterness and depression. It's definitely the root of a lot of issues that I currently deal with.

Thanks for reading, guys (and gals).

PS: in High School and through the first year or so of college I dealt with a lot of anxiety issues; social anxiety being the biggest one. I feel like I may have developed this paraphilia because at the time I felt extremely alone, and voyeurism was a way that I could express myself sexually without having to deal with the intimacy aspect of it. Obviously that's changed now as I've grown older and I've learned to deal with my anxiety much better. I'm still stuck with the paraphilia, though...

Hi, Yornla.

It definitely sounds like you've got a case of desensitisation due to porn, and your anxiety is exacerbating the problem. Your girlfriend giving you the guilt trip, wasn't helpful either.

When you're in a sexual situation, just take things slowly. Have a lot of foreplay, and don't panic if your old man isn't standing to attention and raging on demand, because that will only create a vicious circle in your head. Don't focus too much on yourself, and your own physical responses. Your girlfriend's guilt trip could have been out of frustration.

The big thing for you though, I think, is cutting out the porn, or at least cutting down on it in a big way.

Definitely refrain from secretly filming women. That's just not on at all.

Hi yornia, welcome to the forum!

First, congrats to you for taking some steps to addressing your issues. Acting out as a voyeur can be harmful for you (as you've experienced, but also in terms of legal repercussions) and can violate the rights of unconsenting parties. It's a good idea to get yourself on track, and cutting off your access to voyeuristic pornography is an excellent start.

I'd also recommend cutting out pornography altogether. You can find some excellent information, support, and suggestions here: http://yourbrainonporn.com/. Millions of people have experienced desensitization due to addiction; the great news is that you can absolutely regain control, and there's no indication whatsoever that the problems you're experiencing now are permanent. (Why do I sound like an infomercial? ) Bottom line is, the fewer opportunities your brain has to get off to porn, the more sensitive it--and your body--will be in real-world situations.

Again, I have respect for you for confronting your issues; it would be easy to just keep engaging in the old patterns. Hopefully you'll find the support here you're looking for.

Best to you,

Sylvie

I don't know if this post is appropriate or not, but I'm guessing it probably is since most of the posters here seem to be pedophiles.

What candid websites have you been visiting? I ask because I'm not really sure what you're talking about and I don't believe listing these websites is harmful to the posters on here.