Advice wanted: fiance with PPD

Thank you in advance for reading this. It will be a long post.

I have been with my fiance for over 3 years. Recently, I asked him to move out and obviously the engagement is off. The problem is that I love him very much but have a strong suspicion he has PPD.

I can't say the signs weren't there from the very beginning, but I was unfamiliar with this disorder so was not able to recognize it from our first date. On our first date, he said a number of strange things regarding the government and the American president. I was taken aback and he laughed it off. I was concerned about the strong statements that he made and the level of anger he exhibited, especially on a first date, but I took the time to get to know him to see if that was a mere anomaly.

Upon discussing politics, it became apparent that he had massive suspicions about the government, agencies, and secret societies. He mentioned the Bilderberg Group, one world order, Illuminati, Etc. At first, he just mentioned these groups as conspiring against the American people and suspicious they engaged in high-level manipulations and possibly murder of American citizens. He said that I had not seen the evidence so it was clear, that I would not know this information not having delved into the world of these conspiracy theories.

When I offered to look at the evidence, and then poked holes in many of his arguments, which often seems more like correlation instead of causation, he would become very angry. He accused me of being a media puppet, and not Savvy enough to filter through manipulations and lies that the media espouses. These arguments turned into me not being able to see the truth and that I was ignorant and easily manipulated. I tried to explain that I extrapolate information from new sources and come to my own conclusion. Either way he should respect my opinions. He did not. We stopped talking about politics.

Eventually, we stopped talking about history, we stopped talking about philosophy, we stopped talking about the news, we stopped talking about religion. Though we got along on an everyday basis in the beginning, eventually the subject matters were narrowed down to virtually nothing. His Target of blame, initially, was his sister and the government. Unfortunately, later, I became his main target of blame.

He eventually move me into many of the conspiracy theories that he believed in. He would say that my complicitness was part of the problem. Then I became part of it, even though I had no idea about these theories or knew nothing about the secret societies. He would take pictures of "chemtrails." When I would often poke fun at him, that was a bad idea.

Everything wrong in his life was my fault. I had stopped him, distracted him, or insisted upon his time and energy for all of MY projects, He had no friends, no life, nothing because of me. I can tell you that in the three years we were together, I always encouraged him to do his own thing. I indeed did keep busy, and he was along for many of these projects and events, but I did everything I could to encourage him to grow his business, grow his interests, and grow his circle of friends. Unfortunately, because he is an introvert, and also has many estranged friendships, he was unsuccessful in expanding his own personal sphere.

Everything I did was a personal attack on him. Anything I did do or didn't do was a way to manipulate or hurt him. I tried to explain, I love you, why would I want to hurt you? But no logic could ever defeat his absolute certainty that I was like a demon and out to get them. No matter how many times I said so many nice things, was understanding, saw things from his point of view, and tried to find Common Ground, once I became the target of blame, I could not get the Target off my back.

I am not here to wax poetic about all the wonderful things about him, but trust me, there are many. We have some very unique things in common, some things, I have never found in anyone else. When he is not in his paranoid State, he is sweet and a very loving person. That is the problem. The difference between what he is like when he is in a good State and what he is like when he is in a bad state is night and day.

In the end, living together became impossible. Everything I did do or didn't do was an attack on him. If I left a cereal box out on the counter, it was a slight against him. If I ate a piece of cheese before dinner, that was a slight against him. If I fell asleep without saying the appropriate Goodnights, that was another attack. If I watched a movie without him, or began the movie in the middle and watched it to the end, yet another attack. I was walking on eggshells every day, every night and if I somehow slighted him, never knowing what would set him off, a barrage of yelling and screaming would occur for hours on end. Defending myself only made it worse.

During these barrages, he would call me a lot of bad names. He would use information that I had given him about my sensitivities against me. I had disclosed to him painful portions of my childhood and early adult life. These were also used against me. Everything was my fault. I was basically, a horrible person. A hypocrite a liar and a****** a f****** b****.

In the end, I did convince him to finally go to therapy. While at work, I was perusing the DSM-5 and read about paranoid personality disorder. He hit all but one of the symptoms. The anecdotal information I found was even more convincing. I introduce the possibility that perhaps some of his problems, of which he had many before me, might be the result of a personality disorder. Surprisingly, he took it rather well. He has been attending therapy.

He is grandiose about the therapy, indicating that he's figured out how to solve his problem and he is doing better in therapy than anyone could do in such a short amount of time. Based on his behavior, I do not think this is true but of course I've not said anything. I did ask him to move out because living together became intolerable. My self-esteem is in the trash. I started off in this relationship with a healthy level of self-esteem. I have a professional job and many resources. Unfortunately I have allowed these circumstances to drag me down. And as much as I want to be there for him, I can't allow me to be destroyed in the process.

When we split up, he said he wanted to leave the door open for us. He said he would work really hard. And in our limited interactions since he moved out, things have not improved. He has interpreted innocent overtures with suspicion and negativity. And when I make a mistake, it is like hell fire all over again. He seems to lack empathy and understanding that I am human. It is so hard, because there are so many great things about him but these circumstances are impossible to live with.

So, with all this background, (and there is more but I have spared you.) My question is, have I dodged a bullet? Or, should I stick by him during this process? I have no idea if it can get better, I've no idea how long it will take, and I don't know if I will ever not be his Target of blame. Once a target of blame, always a target of blame? If any of you have any advice, or have chosen to stay with someone with PPD, your advice is most welcome. Thank you so much for reading this post.