Rights and Privileges

Before the first time you grant a privilege as a reward or deny it as a punishment, do you explain the difference between privileges and rights? Can children with ODD even comprehend the difference?

Lord have mercy. I don't really know.

I think that a person who is highly skilled needs to bring a consequence to an ODD child.

As a person who has super high functioning, very very mild borderline personality and bipolar II, I can sort of break it down and translate a bit as to the experience since I am probably highly similar to an ODD child.

Uhm.........We as disordered folk who are highly sensitive, don't really have great impulse control. We really tend to want to do things the way that we want to do them and not as others want us to do.

I think that we can understand discipline or consequences on a cognitive level as adults. I'm not so sure if we do as children.

Sometimes, natural consequence or the "brick wall effect" is about the only way that someone like us (myself or them) really understands a consequence. "If you are late to school, you get a tardy or Because you spent all the money at the ballgame, you just dont' have the money to buy the toy"--The best defense is pure logic. Logic is the trump card for we who have poor impulse control and who can't really understand discipline well.

Removal of blame is probably a good rule of thumb and just a statement like "Because this happened then this is what resulted." I think that I mean--be neutral.

I guess that you might say you would only say "Look what you did" if what the child does is against another person. Otherwise, logic pure and simple might be the way to go.

And, picking your battles.............I can't my child to do much but if I say "If you don't get to bed now you will be grounded" said in a voice that is neutral and non emotional and low key, I get better results.

I hope that this helps.

Cate
Bipolar II, mild BPD
and
R'Lee
ODD and ADHD

lol I am not entirely sure I fully understand the difference

It is my personal opinion, having spent many years of my life with children and teenagers with EXTREME behavioral/ anger issues:

* They must know in particular that causing serious harm to others is not acceptable, but it is important to not aggressive when they get aggressive. To be calm as much as possible.

* In my opinion kids with significant defiance issues, anger issues etc, do best without authoritarian style parenting, and also strict rules are not a good idea. You should only enforce very important rules.

* In my opinion it is absolutely vital that despite defiance / anger issues, the child feels valued and loved, is hugged and given attention etc. It is vital that you can separate the anger/defiance issues from the rest of the personality of the child. When the child's anger / defiance issues cause you to view the child as "bad" overall, this is very destructive. If a child does not think you have a good opinion of them, that besides their problems that you love them, then they are going to get MORE angry.

Wisedude wrote:lol I am not entirely sure I fully understand the difference

It is my personal opinion, having spent many years of my life with children and teenagers with EXTREME behavioral/ anger issues:

* They must know in particular that causing serious harm to others is not acceptable, but it is important to not aggressive when they get aggressive. To be calm as much as possible.

* In my opinion kids with significant defiance issues, anger issues etc, do best without authoritarian style parenting, and also strict rules are not a good idea. You should only enforce very important rules.

* In my opinion it is absolutely vital that despite defiance / anger issues, the child feels valued and loved, is hugged and given attention etc. It is vital that you can separate the anger/defiance issues from the rest of the personality of the child. When the child's anger / defiance issues cause you to view the child as "bad" overall, this is very destructive. If a child does not think you have a good opinion of them, that besides their problems that you love them, then they are going to get MORE angry.

I'd agree with all that from one side, which reminds me I should think about what it means from the other side too. Obviously different if you're not a parent, but when dealing with other people who have PD.

The way I see things neither rights of privileges exist. Rights are a concept made up by social groups of people living in conditions where they are "privileged" in the other sense of the word.

From my own perspective, people are entitled to nothing - If you want something, you have to make sure you get it.

I think most people would argue "things like rights are to be treated decently and fairly and to have personal safety, and that does not extent to making demands of other people or things you want in life etc."

My thought is: the difference between rights and privileges' is that a right is a given and a privilege must be earned. Every child has the right to feel safe and loved in their own home. A privilege is being able to have ice cream because they ate their dinner all gone. Both must be taught to the child so they know the difference. My grandson said it best, "You don't give me socks for Christmas because you have to keep me clothed anyway. Your supposed to give me something special."