Rosalina's Journal

Replies welcome

So I thought I'd start a journal so that I could vent when needed or write about what's going on in my day to day life this way I won't need to burden anyone else with my problems, I can just get them all off my chest

So today, today has been a pretty average Thursday for me. I got up done the house work and had some rice crispies I then read for a while and came on here!

All my friends from uni are going out tonight for one of the girls birthday, but I'm not going. This is pretty normal for me; I start by saying I'm definatley going and I'm really excited. Then I'll say oh I've nothing to wear and not sure what I'll do; then finally I lie and say I've no money to get anything to wear or to go out with. After that they will say you don't need any money; we'll pay for you, that's when i wait till they day we are due to go out. I call them up and say I'm ill.

I just don't feel like going out and i would either get extremely drunk or I would stand in a corner all night being miserable and worrying about what people are saying about me.

Also today, I've been thinking alot about going back to see my doctor about BDD. I don't want to go on like this anymore but I don't know if I can talk to anyone about it. I'm so worried that my dr will tell me there's nothing wrong with me, then I'll just have to deal with the fact that I am truly ugly. I domt think I could handle that.

Katrina x

So, Im writting again so soon after the last time. Something my sister just said to me really upset me, as soon as she said it I could feel tears rolling down my checks. She said that I should be locked in a room with sponge walls! It really got to me for some reason.

Katrina x

Huge hugs Katrina

Cracked

Hugs Katrina. Hope you feel better soon.

Thanks,

Hugs back,
Katrina.

Back again.

I've just been looking at photos, my friends who have gone out added new pics to Facebook. I wish I was normal, and could go out with them. But then looking at the pictures I'm glad I didn't, they are all so pretty and skinny. And well I'm not, I'm ashamed to say it but I'm jealous of all my friends, I'm jealous of how pretty and perfect they are, I'm jealous of how skinny they are, and I'm jealous of how happy and care free they are.

When ever I look at photos of other girls it really gets me down! I wish I could change bodies with someone else I hate myself, I'm fat and disgusting! I have horrible hair and a grotesque nose, I have repulsive layers of fat everywhere! I'm so pale and have freckles across my nose! I hate everything!!! I want to change it all! But I can't, it hurts so bad and there's nothing I can do about it!

I just want to be normal, I want to be thin, pretty and happy! I want to be able to out with friends and have fun with out constantly thinking about all my disgusting features. I dont want to have to hide myself away

Katrina x

This morning was pretty much the same as yesterday, I got up done the housework and now I'm on here.

I don't really feel anything right now. I had a really weird dream last night, it was night time and I was sitting in the middle of a street with old friends from school. I only talk to one of them now, and thats because our family's are friends. Otherwise he probably wouldn't speak to me either. Anyways, back to my dream; we'd been there for hours drinking and chatting and the things they were saying were really strange, a bit inappropriate. I went into a shop and was buying stuff then I noticed colorful paper and started to buy some When I went back out side all my friends were gone, except for one! He was standing stark naked! I was like what the heck is going on? Then he just looked at me and left!

It was very bizarre and felt so real!

Today I'm going to try and get all my uni stuff finished. I have a source book finished but everything is blue tacked down, so I need to glue it all. So it's not actually finished I think Im going to do a little drawing once I've got everything finished if I get finished!! I might do some embroidery and knitting to

Katrina x

Funny that, I've been having weird dreams as well. I can't remember much, but it was something to do about a hotel and a photo of a burnt building.

Same here, trying to get several things done at once. Hopefully your uni work won't be as hard as my uni work

Hugs Katrina - one day I do hope you realise what a beautiful and wonderful and special person you are.

Cracked