XFA's Journal

Okay I take that back. It bothers me..

A few days ago she was pissed off, because I didn't reply to her message..It was weird, because she didn't really ask anything (it was just a statement..), but whatever. Anyhow, she does this on a regular basis, but I don't complain..I just don't wanna argue with her..

BUT now she is doing it again and it provokes me to no end..I just want to message her and say the EXACT same words she said to me when she complained. It would be a pathetic attempt to teach her some self-awareness, but on the other hand it might just be my emotions speaking..

I'll just not talk to her and focus on other things. It's much healthier.

AND YES, I sound like a crying child when I talk about these things and you know what? I still am one (emotionally), so whatever.

Hey there man. Want advice? I think you two need a break just for a while to fix things a little bit.

ElKahn wrote:Hey there man. Want advice? I think you two need a break just for a while to fix things a little bit.

Ive thought about that alot, but things are improving and we're both recovering. Communication is actually good (considering the circumstances), but these little fallouts still happen. They've happened even in our best episode. Its childish behavior and we both gotta work on that.

BUT I guess it would be a good idea to figure out where we stand from her perspective and where she wants things to go. A long conversation with her would help. Things aren't ideal, but I'll probably make a post about that later on. (I'll take your suggestion into account)

Despite all this I was FINALLY able to dive back into a passion of mine. Music making. I've been able to distract myself from things through that and the boredom and depression is gone...for now. We'll see what happens.

Working hard on distancing myself emotionally from her and being more independent (and less obsessed). I have made progress so far. Part of it to be less active on here as this forum is a constant reminder of Her.

I am a complete relationship noob, but I think to establish an emotional connection it's important to satisfy basic needs through conversation (ESPCIALLY when there is a long distance between us). And with smalltalk alone or just talking about some everyday bullsh*t this goal is not gonna be achieved.

As my feelings for her are strong I do have a stronger need for communication. This doesn't mean quantity, not at all. It means quality.

A conversation that satisfies emotional, romantic and sexual needs => quality
Smalltalk, everyday crap => Not quality (even though there is nothing from with that)

Correct me if I am wrong, but a long distance relationship is certainly not gonna thrive on preventing the other person to express their needs. And if you wanna keep up the smalltalk, because you think the communication is gonna improve through that, then you are wrong.

Now it's my turn to push. Let me participate in this little game of yours.

game of yours

Not sure if that even exists in the english language. Embarrassing..

Whatever, fu*k it.

It's time. I think I can do this...

Let's do it before it's too late.

Okay my first attempts at breaking up failed. But her behavior made me so angry that it reminded me of some of the reasons why I want to leave in her in the first place. So I haven't changed my mind. The appointment is just postponed.

We'll take a break. I'll leave it at that and won't comment on it. It's a fact, consistent and not dependent on my emotional state...I like that.