Xena's Journal

Hello, all.

I've just gone back on my diet and I'd like to monitor my mental state along with my food intake. I don't believe I've ever had a bona fide eating disorder, but things do get a little weird in here bc of the level of self deprivation required for my stupid metabolism to allow me to actually lose weight. My axons& dendrites get crunchy enough that I get way slow on the upchuck and Voila! I'm staring at my ugly reflection in the mirror, struggling with an insane urge to do a DIY Brazilian butt lift with a bread knife

I decided to come here when I found myself becoming uncharacteristically furious with some pic trolls a few days ago. I'll debate trolls, I'll troll them back, but I usually find the whole exchange amusing. I rarely go beyond mildly annoyed. But that day, I would have smashed some kneecaps if those bitches had been in the same room with me. I figured there was some diet related glitch in my neurochemistry for that to happen. My PC has an off switch. My son does not. So I am probably monitoring my moods for his benefit more than anybody else's.

I like to believe I'm not mentally ill. (There are a whole lot of people in my life who would debate that point, but most of them are assholes ) I usually give my head a shake and start eating twice/ day again if I catch a cold or a flu. But nothing else stops me from getting too skinny if I don't get sick. So yeah... I guess this is also for my own health. I'm too old to beat the crap out of myself anymore. I did that when I was a teenager. I'm not sure how much more abuse this old thing can take

Replies will be ok, but I should probably warn everybody that this journal will be painfully boring. It will likely read like a cook book punctuated by drama 3 or 4 days out of every month.

I'm about to do a workout and I'm still hmming and hawing about whether or not I should eat first, and what I should eat. I have a bit of a grumpy on today bc my son's schoolbus was cancelled due to the crap weather. Ice storm. Yuck.

I had an awesome dinner last night, so I don't really feel hungry.



Mmmm... meatloaf

Yeah, I'll have a protein shake and some fruit. I'll decide if I want more food later.

I suppose I should document my starting weight as well. I'm 5'7" 147 lbs., down from 170. My goal weight is 125.

I did a few stretches and got knocked down by a strange fatigue. I think I'll have a muffin and a coffee before I go back to my workout.

So my full day's food intake for today:

about 8oz. of Oasis mango fruit smoothie
1 Carnation Instant Breakfast shake in about 10 oz. of milk
1 large-ish chocolate chip muffin
about 6 oz. of Del Monte mandarin oranges with added vitamin C
1 extra large Timmie's coffee with embarrassing amounts of sugar





about 1/4 of my son's A & W teenburger and 4 french fries
a second Instant Breakfast shake



way too little water. About 12 oz.
No vegetables. Must eat carrots tomorrow
Forgot to take my vitamins. That must be why I'm so sluggish today.

Didn't even finish my workout. It's only 9pm and I'm ready for bed.
Tomorrow is another day. I'm going grocery shopping. Must get some bottled water. The water in this town sux. Hard hard hard. Tastes like well water. Yuck.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQwtMsGtI2U

Still feeling a little unmotivated. Idk why I bother trying to starve my body down to a size that will fall on the other side of the slut/scapegoat dichotomy when I already know what's over there. But I will exercise today and tomorrow. I keep telling myself that exercise is good for me.

I'll be going out with my sister later. If watching the mounds of putrid flesh melting off her cankles is not a good enough reason to quit eating forever I don't know what is.

Today was a good day. I did a full workout, including ab crunches and a half hour on my bike. I'm hoping the weather will stay around 0* and clear so I can add a nice long walk to that. I also want to start using my handweights again. My arms are getting soft.

Full day's food intake:

8 oz.Oasis mango smoothie
10 oz. Instant Breakfast shake
extra large Timmie's coffee (I won it )



CARROTS!! Yes I was good and ate a big pile of carrots today
tuna casserole
second Instant Breakfast shake
about 6 oz. of mandarin oranges
half glass of milk



Forgot my vitamins again. And I still need to drink more water. But I feel better than I did yesterday. Maybe it was just the horrid cold weather giving me the February blahs. It was warm-ish & sunny today.

Good morning. I'm feeling a little sore today, but in a good way. That's the way a well worked body feels. I'm listening to some mood music to get geared up for my workout.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRFCMM3bra8

what exercise type do you suggest for love handles?
i read online some women did weights and it helped with that too and flat tummy?

i just run in the morning and at night (about 1.30 hr total of fast running)
im doing it to build stamina but if you have any suggestions...
(gym is out of the question, i just go swimming at the gym, im too self conscious to exercise there)
gl with your goals btw

Thanks.

My tummy flattener is a full floor workout. I lie down and raise my legs, so they're bent at the knee, with the thighs perpendicular to my body, shins at a right angle to the thighs, toes in the air and pointing forward like this: 7_ Then I kick back& forth, touching my left elbow to my right knee, and right elbow to the left knee. I started those with 20 reps on each side and worked up to 30.

Then I put my feet back on the floor, knees raised like this: ^_ It's a motion almost like an ab crunch, hands behind my head, but I twist all the way to the right with my left elbow so it nearly touches the floor on my right side. I only reach until my left shoulder blade comes off the floor, tho. I do 30 reps, and then twist the right elbow toward my left side for another 30 reps. Hips& midspine don't leave the floor, and hands support the neck the entire time.

Then I do 30 regular ab crunches. They're like situps, but again, I don't allow my shoulderblades to leave the floor. I only raise my upper back until I feel the burn in my tummy.

Weights can help to tone problem spots, but it's been a long time since I was able to lift weights consistently enough to build good muscle mass. I have some free weights, but I use them for my arms& upper body, which I've been neglecting since September-ish. It shows, too

I hope my descriptions aren't too confusing. I know there are names for those exercises, but I can't remember what they are. <:/ I'll see if I can find some vids for you.

Good luck Xena, I'll check in now and again. I just started my own "better eating" journey recently.