Havoctoria's Journal (no replies)

It's sad enough when people forget, deny or overlook how fluid and subjective sexuality is. It's even sadder when this is done by those who should understand the most.

Coprophilia isn't just a fetish for some people. For some of us, it IS a SEXUALITY. A sexual orientation, just as much as heterosexuality is.

Claiming that coprophilia is merely a liking/fixation for manure is like saying homosexuality, for a male, is merely liking penises. There is so much more to it.

For those who say it never is/can't be a sexuality/sexual orientation: what a way to further misinform society on an already horribly misunderstood matter.

If anyone has any questions about coprophilia, please feel free to ask me (an actual coprophile) directly; including/especially any questions about why it is NOT JUST A FETISH/PARAPHILIA.

That was the last straw. From now on, I'm only making/reading posts in the Venting and Just For Fun forums. I no longer take this place seriously as a supportive/informative environment.

1. I am entitled to discuss my BPD-related violent thoughts/impulses/outbursts in the BPD forum, constructively. Nobody who matters has told me otherwise. I explained multiple times why it wouldn't be appropriate or healthy for me to seek support for my BPD-related violence in the ASPD forum. Just because pwBPD aren't typically violent doesn't mean none of us aren't. Some of us are outwardly violent for the exact same reasons we and/or other pwBPD self-harm & throw tantrums. YES; SOME pwBPD are violent BECAUSE of our BPD. Just because my symptoms manifest abnormally doesn't mean I shouldn't talk about how they impact my life in relation to my illness.

I'll put trigger warnings on my violent posts of course; I am NOT responsible if you choose to read on & get triggered.

2. I'm DONE overreacting to every idiotic thing I read. It's time for me to focus once again on SELF-improvement instead of dwelling on & raging over others' shortcomings/misunderstandings. If something isn't helpful, then I'm just moving on.

From now on whenever someone says something false about me (this includes statements that are meant to apply to everyone or to an entire group of people I happen to be a part of), instead of defending myself & getting upset because the person doesn't know any better, I'm simply gonna focus on the truth about myself and why I should celebrate it.

Like I said before, I'm no longer letting other people's issues consume all my time and energy. There's only one person in this world besides myself whose faults should affect me as much as I let those of total strangers.

I don't need to waste precious moments typing about how much of an idiot someone is & why. I don't need to keep explaining why every wrong thing I read or hear is wrong. I can just remind myself that this person clearly has a problem & that there's no reason to make it mine.

I have been reminding myself of this for the past day. I'm already finding myself less stressed & having an easier time ignoring blatant nonsense.

Nothing about my sexuality involving bodily fluids/substances/gasses/functions has anything to do with degradation, domination or submission. To me they're all clean, beautiful and essential things to share with one another.

So it really offends me when others use these beautiful things for what strike me as such "ugly" purposes. If something feels degrading for you, then why would you do it? & the need/desire to be dominant/submissive almost always stems from an unfulfilled need/desire that can't usually be truly fulfilled through sex, torture, slavery, etc.

I just hate when people take something I view as beautiful, innocent and pure and turn it into something "ugly", painful & "dirty".

This goes for all sexual positions as well, and oral sex, spanking, and the consumption of bodily fluids/substances/gasses. I don't see what any of that has to do with filth, degradation or power.

Since I don't own this stuff, I can't say nobody has the right to view them in that way. It just bothers me a lot.

A little reminder to myself to not let stupid sh*t get to me. Well... if it gets to me, it gets to me. It's getting to me now, which is why I'm typing this.

Here's, instead, a reminder to myself to not prolong my negative feelings. Let it go.

Think about something I really have to be angry about.

Or instead of showing contempt, how about showing myself a little kindness? By living my life to my satisfaction, I'll be teaching a much more valuable lesson to others than anything I've ever typed. A lesson that only people who really see are gonna learn.

Maybe that lesson, for you, will simply be that I'm a real asshole.
Maybe your lesson will be that you're doing everything wrong.
Maybe you'll see clearly, and yet still have nothing to learn.
Maybe you'll think it's worth it to teach me something.
Or one - or more... or none - of the 7,000,000,000+ other possibilities.

So have a good day/night, you ###$.

There's no way in hell J doesn't realize how "weird" I'm acting.

I think instead of changing yourself/your behavior for anyone else (assuming you're one of the people who can; contrary to popular belief, not everyone is one of those people), you should accept yourself and reserve each slot in your life for someone who accepts you the same. Everything is someone's cup of tea, so if you're really that concerned with what others feel/think of you, or are/claim to be affected by you, then consider the injustice you'd be doing to all those who want someone just like you if you change.

I know I mourn deeply whenever someone I once admired changes because someone else, or multiple people, told them they should.

Look. "Normal" people have plenty of peers and companions who live up to their standards. They don't need any more. But those of us who aren't so "normal" or have unconventional needs, desires and tastes don't have as many people to click with as they do.

Please don't feed their greed. There's enough of them; Let there be at least one of you.

For some people, change isn't possible by any means, even if they try & want it. For example: Some people can't change the fact that they think everyone can change themselves/their behavior despite the FACTS stating otherwise.

Also, some people really ARE happy with just the way they & their lives are, whether some things are messed up for them or not. It isn't denial or resignation; some people are legitimately HAPPY with the good and the bad (and it's up to them to determine which is which since it's their life) & genuinely want things to be the way they are.

I'm sorry you're so unsatisfied with your life that you've convinced yourself that people who are HAPPY in ways/for reasons you can't fathom must have what YOU call "faults" and secretly be unhappy. How about living your own life & not trying to live vicariously through others? Y'know, NOT trying to convince people to f*ck up their own lives just so you can feel satisfied by seeing them live how you WISH you were living.

Before (incorrectly) assuming that what I'm going through is not withdrawal but are symptoms of pre-existing medical conditions... MAKE SURE THE SYMPTOMS/CONDITION(S) WERE ACTUALLY PRE-F*CKING-EXISTING!

Because they WEREN'T. Don't believe me? Ask EVERY f*cking doctor I've ever had!

When I say "I'm going through withdrawal", THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THE F*CK I MEAN! If I meant "the drug isn't holding off the sickness anymore", then I would SAY, "the drug isn't holding off the sickness anymore"!

Use your F*CKING heads, people! THIS is why I don't talk about my addiction!

Ignorant people assuming sh*t. WHY can't you just ADMIT that the drug CAN be DANGEROUS? People are sick and not getting the help they NEED because YOU wanna be all like, "YOLO".

From now on, I am never EVER confiding in ANYONE (professional or not) about my drug addiction EVER AGAIN. Since people wanna f*ckin' ignore the truth just so they can PARTY with a clear conscience! Maybe everyone'll learn their lesson when my addiction KILLS me!

Also, nothing is preventing me from eating a healthy diet? How about the fact that I'm POOR, I don't have ACCESS to healthy foods, and I DON'T KNOW HOW to feed myself in a way that would be best for me.

Stop.
Making.
Assumptions.
About.
Me.
You.
F*cking.
Dirty.
Pieces.
Of.
Sh*t.

So clearly I failed at not letting other people's issues get the better of me. Oh well. Those who have the most influence in my life - who actually know and care for me, and haven't lived under rocks for half their lives - aren't quite so simple-minded.

& I'm definitely not going to deprive myself of professional help because other people have a problem with me having problems.

Today was pretty busy. Tomorrow should be the same. I have a baby shower to attend Sunday afternoon. I'm gonna shower with my honey later, and pig out on some cereal.

Really, how can other people's shortcomings/misunderstandings possibly mean more to me than all of this? Being here, living life. Knowing at least what I need to know to recognize bullsh*t and to not take it.