Late teen HOCD, or? (long)

I've had a few encounters with this so called OCD; I was convinced I had contracted HIV (through a condom), had a brain tumor, was becoming stupid from all the alcohol at parties, would lose energy and become depressed whenever I had sex, I'd lose my muscular build in 2 days, had a worm in my stomach, was bipolar, schizophrenic, the whole shabam!

I've always been a latebloomer, so to speak. Everything, from walking, talking, getting with girls and puberty, I was always a little behind. Now as long as I can remember, I've loved girls, girls and girls. Everything about them (except how hard I found the whole texting game) I loved. I've fallen in love over and over, have been dumped by the girls I loved too much, and dumped the girls who loved me too much. That's also why I've never been in a long relationship.The last time I really fell in love was right before I became 19, but as I said, the girl ditched me.

Since then, I'd lost interest in hitting on chicks just about anywhere, untill I met this one girl. She was taken however, and half a year later I've been granted my wish (which it was then) and have gotten to be with her for over the last 2 months. We have a great time together, we have good sex etc. She loves me A LOT by the way etc.

The thing is, since the last 6 months, I've had the delusional idea of becoming attracted to men. This thing, which is always in my mind, is destroying my whole image of the girl. When I'm with her, I look at men, find them good looking, think about chilling with my friends and I don't feel the NEED to have sex with her. When I'm with her I wonder if it's love i feel for her, and if I don't just see her as a good friend (which I know I don't), if it isn't gay what I'm talking about, if I don't act gay etc etc. I've recently become aware of HOCD and what it means, but the attraction just starts to feel so real. I find nearly every guy good looking, stare at them, complement them in my head (when I see a guy, a thought just pops up, like nice tan, nice body etc). I get nervous anytime a dude is closeby, sort of like you would react when you're talking to a hot chick, feel NO attraction to women at all, unless I'm in a real relaxed mood in which I'm crazy over them again.

Everytime my girl is away for too long, I always realise how I love her, almost everytime I have sex with her it's great, but whenever I have too much on my mind, I always wonder off to the HOCD. Start staring at men, thinking I'm gay, feeling nervous, attracted etc.

Now, my problem is, I want NO sexual or relational contact with men, none at all! None! My problem, I don't even really know, I'm scared I'm becoming gay. It's irrational I know. And I always remember to count my blessings, though this fear is paralyzing, terrible, disgusting. Gays look at me, I look at them, we get eye contact and that's really it. Though lately I've been getting random hardons when even CHATTING with my friends, with who i clearly don't want any sexual contact with. Though when I'm with them, I see how good they look, and an image of me kissing them comes up. I don't WANT it, it just happens. I have a gay teacher and one time when he came up, I smelled his odor and thought it was a good one. Then I got some good feeling. Then panic! Then I start looking at him, liking him, looking at other guys, liking them, panic. I dream about my own girl, get sick when I see two guys kissing, and I know its not rational to think I'm gay, but I just do! My subconcious even tells me messages; dreams that I stop and pause to talk to a girl, hit on her, I dream gays send me messages and I refuse them, in other words, my consciousness knows the truth!

As I re-read what I just wrote, I even SEE the OCD kicking in; whenever I try to describe what my problem just really is, I just block, don't know. The only thing that comes to mind are: I don't want to be gay! But I look at guys! Oh $#%^! I like them! They look good! Girls do too, but I don't feel anything with them! What's up!?

Funny thing is, I almost perfectly know and understand that it's not what I fear it is. Whenever I'm drunk I lose the will to think about it, love girls, hitting on them etc. Whenever I sober up, I start wondering again! Thinking! If I like this!? I know I just need to man up, clean up my act.
I'm pretty sure I'm not gay, though I often fear, fear, fear the thought of becoming it, or rather always was, since I believe it's something one is born with.

I wrote this passage to prove to myself that it is indeed OCD with which is kicking me in the nuts. I started out wrighting calmly, and ending up panicky, confused and braindead. I JUST want to ask you, what do YOU think!?

Sounds like you know your pattern well. You have OCD and it has hit the homosexual button this time around. You keep bringing it to mind because you are encountering people each day so you are tempted to try and test yourself. When you are relaxed it eases and when anxious it comes on.
If you are on meds I would mention it at your next visit. It is distressing but you are generally advised to let go of judgement about the thoughts. It is your old OCD brain checking in for some random anxiety building. It is a misfiring of your OCD brain. It makes you anxious and then that makes you feel more aroused. It is perfectly normal to have some interest in your own sex. You are straight and really knowing that is a big help. Hope things go well with your girlfiend.

it'll all be good even if you worry about it it's still not a real problem and even if you were that would not even be that bad of a thing be accepting of it and it will start to lose its power an respond in a different think of it as addiction, the thoughts get more reinforced when you view them as threat and thus because you have generated fear about them they will occur far more frequently now, however you can do this try to start not viewing it as a threat, don't expect to jump straight in that pool and be able to swim but at least try to tred water with all the best

Thanks you guys, amazing supportive answers! I've found this book, brain lock..perfect for ANYONE encountering ANY kind of OCD, or well, any problem at all really!