Obsessed with a fictional character

Hello.

I'd like to talk about my problem, but I'd like to know if this is the right place first. I've had a few OCD symptoms in my life (little rituals), but I've gotten over those. However, I've come to the realization that for the past few years of my life, I've become obsessed with a fictional character. When I realized it last year, I suffered the first bouts of real depression that I've ever had in my life. Without even realizing it I was acting, buying things like her (it's a tomboyish character, and I'm a guy).

The obsession is coming and going now. For a few months I can be ok, I can even write little fanfics about this character during that time, but I keep regressing back. I've recently also been treated for a thryoid problem, and I usually feel better now, but intrusive thoughts and questions about this character keep hounding me every day. I think I've also been an avoidant person for most of my life.

Anyways, is this a good forum to talk about something like that? I'm not really sure whether it's OCD behavior or not.

I wanted to follow this up with some things I've come into realization lately. Hopefully it will help people out who suffer anything similar.

Basically, this character displayed some embarrassment in a situation, in which she's normally a very collected character. In the past, I've latched onto other such characters. I think I became obsessed with them (the current one in particular) because I was extremely empathetic to their feelings, character who seem competent and cool but have very crushing issues of insecurity underneath. It's probably a very niche type of character, but I think it's why I do obsess with them, because I identified with them so immensely. I've had the avoidant personality thing going on for most of my life as well, so a lot of these characters were sort of my world for awhile.

Besides that, I've also realized that I have a very copy-cat personality. I'm not sure if there is a medical term for it. But in everything I do, even just arts and crafts things, I've found myself constantly comparing myself to others works and what not. Everyone else just seemed so confident and secure in what they do, their works very perfect, and I know I'm also a perfectionist. In my mind, I've had serious trouble with comparing anything I say/do with that fictional character in question. Even something spoken that was uniquely mine, I would pretend her saying it, almost as if I need verification of what I did (because it would be what 'they' would do, even if it falls outside the realm of their personality).

At the moment, I'm feeling a lot better. I've had many obsessive thoughts during the last year, mainly questions like "If there was a chance to ditch my life and become this character, would I?" and various such things, all of it sparked from an ability to mimic their life in any media form of them (shows, songs, etc.) When I realized how I couldn't really be this character, I suffered huge depression, because I was being such a perfectionist about copying them completely. It felt like they had became so ingrained in my personality, that it was like tearing a physical limb off.

However, recently, I've began to handle my depression better after realizing a few things lately-

-Obviously I have some confidence issues. I do have a full-time job, so I'm slowly getting better at being more social and outgoing.

-I've come to realize I'm an extremely empathetic person. I don't mean that in a bragging way, but rather, I very vividly feel the emotions of others. In this case, I was so incredibly in tune with what the character was feeling, that I think for a variety of reasons, I just started to subconsciously mimic her actions. Like I'm over-empathetic. I also get very sentimental over things that most people would find very trivial, even to the point of being emphatic towards inanimate objects.

-I've had trouble expression emotions, ironically, towards those that are closest to me (family). I seem to have no problem being outwardly emotional to strangers, but to closer people, I have trouble, even to the point where looking at them in the eyes is difficult. I'm not sure what that exactly is about, but I'm trying to change that, after being made aware of it.

-I have a gigantic tendency to copy others. If I can't perfect their mannerisms or life, I get depressed. It's like I can't be very confident about my own choices or actions for some reason, and I either need to source them from somewhere else, or imagine that someone else is doing what I'm doing, in order to verify it (as said before, I was imaging this character saying things I say, even working the job I do). In social situations I usually just listen to others talk, and they always seem to do and say everything perfectly, and I can feel inadequate.



I think, overall, my obsession was stemmed from all those issues. As said, I'm feeling better now. I'm still afraid of relapsing if I come into contact with media that contains such character. However, it's very strange, I can write about the character with no problems, but, had trouble seeing 'official' media about them. But, as said, after I began to realize that I was basically sad that I couldn't fully copy this character and their life, outside of the feelings they experienced, the obsessive thoughts and depression lessened considerably. Just simply realizing the problem is helping I guess.

To some point, I even feel as if my obsession was some part of me saying that I haven't figured out what's 'wrong' with me. As in, it kept pushing the issue on me over, and over, and over, and over, until I began to figure things out.

Anyways, hope that helps anyone who is suffering anything similar, if it helps identify the roots of any problems. I have read about maladaptive day dreaming and things like that, that I don't believe specifically fit my situation. However, as far as obsession goes, with fictional characters, I've found the above issues is/are a lot of my problem, the horrible tendency to try and perfect everything I see/hear into my own personality the main problem (in this case, inability to mimic a character that I extremely identified with).

Hi,

I realize this post is old, but when I saw it I identified with it so much that I felt compelled to respond.

Everything you wrote sounds so familiar, especially the "copycat" thing. I become very obsessed with characters, too, and I get very depressed when I am forced to accept that I can't be that character. I talk like the characters I like, make my own outfits that match theirs, and sometimes even dye my hair the same color.

I am an avid user of fanfiction.net. I have been a member there for almost ten years, and I have basically been obsessed with the same fandom and characters for that long. I found it interesting that you are male, but obsessed with emulating a female character, because I am female but nearly all of the characters I have been obsessed with have been male.

Usually I deal with this problem by distracting myself from the obsession by completely immersing myself in something else, like academics. Then, I do pretty well. However, as soon as I have free time, it comes back, like now. When I am at my worst, I think about my characters constantly and can't stop feeling like my life is meaningless because it's not theirs. I am naturally very socially awkward, and I tend to isolate myself to work on my character-related projects, which only aggravates this problem. A few years ago, I had a friend who was obsessed with the same character (someone from Harry Potter) and we spent literally hundreds of dollars on our obsession. It was all we ever talked about or thought about.

Anyway... as I mentioned, the only way I've found combats this problem is distracting yourself with something else, almost like becoming "obsessed" with something from real life.

I hope this is helpful.

Reeses wrote:I wanted to follow this up with some things I've come into realization lately. Hopefully it will help people out who suffer anything similar.

Basically, this character displayed some embarrassment in a situation, in which she's normally a very collected character. In the past, I've latched onto other such characters. I think I became obsessed with them (the current one in particular) because I was extremely empathetic to their feelings, character who seem competent and cool but have very crushing issues of insecurity underneath. It's probably a very niche type of character, but I think it's why I do obsess with them, because I identified with them so immensely. I've had the avoidant personality thing going on for most of my life as well, so a lot of these characters were sort of my world for awhile.

Besides that, I've also realized that I have a very copy-cat personality. I'm not sure if there is a medical term for it. But in everything I do, even just arts and crafts things, I've found myself constantly comparing myself to others works and what not. Everyone else just seemed so confident and secure in what they do, their works very perfect, and I know I'm also a perfectionist. In my mind, I've had serious trouble with comparing anything I say/do with that fictional character in question. Even something spoken that was uniquely mine, I would pretend her saying it, almost as if I need verification of what I did (because it would be what 'they' would do, even if it falls outside the realm of their personality).

At the moment, I'm feeling a lot better. I've had many obsessive thoughts during the last year, mainly questions like "If there was a chance to ditch my life and become this character, would I?" and various such things, all of it sparked from an ability to mimic their life in any media form of them (shows, songs, etc.) When I realized how I couldn't really be this character, I suffered huge depression, because I was being such a perfectionist about copying them completely. It felt like they had became so ingrained in my personality, that it was like tearing a physical limb off.

However, recently, I've began to handle my depression better after realizing a few things lately-

-Obviously I have some confidence issues. I do have a full-time job, so I'm slowly getting better at being more social and outgoing.

-I've come to realize I'm an extremely empathetic person. I don't mean that in a bragging way, but rather, I very vividly feel the emotions of others. In this case, I was so incredibly in tune with what the character was feeling, that I think for a variety of reasons, I just started to subconsciously mimic her actions. Like I'm over-empathetic. I also get very sentimental over things that most people would find very trivial, even to the point of being emphatic towards inanimate objects.

-I've had trouble expression emotions, ironically, towards those that are closest to me (family). I seem to have no problem being outwardly emotional to strangers, but to closer people, I have trouble, even to the point where looking at them in the eyes is difficult. I'm not sure what that exactly is about, but I'm trying to change that, after being made aware of it.

-I have a gigantic tendency to copy others. If I can't perfect their mannerisms or life, I get depressed. It's like I can't be very confident about my own choices or actions for some reason, and I either need to source them from somewhere else, or imagine that someone else is doing what I'm doing, in order to verify it (as said before, I was imaging this character saying things I say, even working the job I do). In social situations I usually just listen to others talk, and they always seem to do and say everything perfectly, and I can feel inadequate.



I think, overall, my obsession was stemmed from all those issues. As said, I'm feeling better now. I'm still afraid of relapsing if I come into contact with media that contains such character. However, it's very strange, I can write about the character with no problems, but, had trouble seeing 'official' media about them. But, as said, after I began to realize that I was basically sad that I couldn't fully copy this character and their life, outside of the feelings they experienced, the obsessive thoughts and depression lessened considerably. Just simply realizing the problem is helping I guess.

To some point, I even feel as if my obsession was some part of me saying that I haven't figured out what's 'wrong' with me. As in, it kept pushing the issue on me over, and over, and over, and over, until I began to figure things out.

Anyways, hope that helps anyone who is suffering anything similar, if it helps identify the roots of any problems. I have read about maladaptive day dreaming and things like that, that I don't believe specifically fit my situation. However, as far as obsession goes, with fictional characters, I've found the above issues is/are a lot of my problem, the horrible tendency to try and perfect everything I see/hear into my own personality the main problem (in this case, inability to mimic a character that I extremely identified with).

For me it sounds like you would have aspergers syndrome.
Just wanted to say it and sorry if my english was bad.