Help. Think my wife has OCD

Hi. I'm new to the forum and thought I'd ask for help / tips.

My wife and I have been married for 4 years. We have two little boys at home. Ever since she got pregnant with our first child her behavior changed drastically.

First, she stopped being intimate... which I attributed to the pregnancy but it has not returned. She almost never touches me or even shares thoughts, emotions with me. There is no closeness. We are like roommates, not spouses.

She started hoarding things. It's not horrible... not like that TV show. But we live in a small two bedroom apartment. There are 10 storage bins in our bedroom filled with children's clothing that never gets used. The kitchen cabinets are filled to the edge with canned food. The dining room is being overtaken with boxes of various bulk food items. The kids' room closet is completely full of plastic bins of toys... most of which never get used.

She had a couple dozen sippy cups for the kids and I tried to throw away 5 of them to make room for some of the stuff on the floor. She completely lost it... completely out of control and yelled at me. It was actually very scary how she responded.

She picks at her finger tips uncontrollably. Her skin looks horrible. It's all dried up and big chunks of skin missing.

She is always washing dishes. She must do the dishes 20 times a day at least. I'm not home during the day so I don't know how bad it is. But from the time I get home at 7PM till I go to bed at 10PM she does the dishes about 5 times. I'm not even sure where she finds dirty dishes. She won't use the dishwasher... she spends so much time standing at the sink washing dishes.

So... I guess I'm pretty convinced this is an OCD issue. We don't have money for therapy. I have tried to approach the subject but she won't listen to me at all. I don't know what to do. Anyone have any suggestions?

It sounds like definite OCD to me as well. Probably what happened was when she had the first child she became anxious it "may" need her- therefore, she didn't want to be doing something else, or "being intimate", if I may, because then she would feel guilty for taking time away from the baby. I personally think that once this behavior has set in, only treatment can help. I am now married to a man I dated for four years with fairly severe OCD in regards to keeping on schedule- although none of the family knows what the schedule is... If it comes close to dark, he turns lights off and prepares for bed, he brushes his teeth in three seconds FLAT, he can't concentrate on family conversations because he's worried about who will bathe first, second,.. If I try to engage in a conversation past 830, he stares at the floor, even if we are all walking around, so as to not get caught in a lengthy conversation that would keep him from sleep. It's very unfortunate, considering I work at a hospital and don't get home most nights til 9. He talks all day about how much fun we will have when I get home, but when I arrive, he has pjs on, lights off, covers turned down, and gets very frustrated if I try to unwind before bed,. Especially if I want to spend time with him while I'm unwinding. One night I came in from work at nine, he was standing at the stove, didn't say anything, I said what are you making, he simply said "just noodles",.. For a woman that has stood on her feet 14 hrs and he is off all week.. He couldn't make anything more complicated because it would take us too long to eat. He stood there while I showered and wound down. He didn't speak. He stared at the floor the whole time. Many more examples,.. End result, I made him go to the doctor. He put him on a med called fluvox. It has been a miracle drug. His OCD disappeared. If he is on too much, he becomes numb. The right amount, he can laugh again and not be scared that his laughter took up too much time and we will now be two seconds later for bed. my advice is to get her to a psychiatrist as soon as possible. Maybe there are times when she is "herself". Talk to her then. Good luck.