20 Years of Struggle

For over 20 years I have been struggling with OCD. My primary obsession has been with my memory and cognitive abilities. I have an over whelming fear of forgetting and I continually check my mind to be sure if I have remembered what I read. I can no longer go to college or pursue further education due to my obsession and it has led to severe depression in the past including 2 suicide attempts. I have made attempts to read and use memory and learning strategies but it simply aggravates the anxiety by adding to higher expectations. I seem to be in a rut since I seem to be living everyday with the same thoughts and fears over and over again. I no longer enjoy to read much since it's so much a struggle. I have tried exercise, Gingko (Which makes me feel worse) trying to procrastinate my obsessions. I have just about given up on life since I'm falling back to a deep depression again with aggravated and suicidal thought again due to feeling helpless.

Are you on any meds for OCD?

No not now. I was on Prozac in the past but that was to treat the depression. No doubt I need cognitive therapy + medication if needed.

Therapy would be good, there are meds that are recommended for OCD, for some they really help.

Why do you think you have OCD, for me I think it developed out of anxiety. My parents were not loving and had little/no interest in me.

There are theories that could be caused by a virus in some people.