Do I have obsessive love disorder?

Hi

I am new to this site. I am trying to find answers to my problem and Im hoping there is someone out there who can tell me why I am the way I am. Im sorry if this is long winded but I need to explain my situation.

Basically, I have always suffered from depression and low self esteem. I am taking Sertraline for this. As far as I am aware, I dont show the classic signs of OCD like repeatedly doing things and checking things. However, I do become obsessed with people, mainly my partners.

My last boyfriend I met on a night out and liked him instantly. Instead of getting to know him properly I wanted a full on relationship with him. Of course it all ended in disaster. But it didnt end there. Following our separation, I became obsessed in getting him back. I would constantly stalk his facebook profile to the point where I memerised the amount of friends he had so I could monitor who he was adding and if he had added any girls I would be heartbroken. I would send him messages, just random things trying to start conversations, it would almost be on impulse I just couldnt help it. I then created fake profiles in order to stalk him and talk to him as someone else. The final straw came when I was so desperate to get him back I pretended I was pregnant by him. This did bring him back but then I had to lie about having a miscarriage. I know it is disgusting and sick and I am ashamed. Shortly after, we split again but this time I felt a little relieved as I no longer had to live a lie. But after a couple of months I had an itching to contact him again. I dont understand why. So I made contact but this time it was obvious he had moved on and so again I was left feeling heartbroken.

I started to realise that my behaviour was not normal and that I think I am confusing love with obsession. I thought I loved him, now I know I dont and never did. I was, and still am, obsessed with him. I am addicted to getting a response from him. I love that high feeling you get when someone you like likes you back. I cant describe it but its almost euphoria. But then if he replies something nasty or doesnt reply at all, its utterly devastating. Also, when I knew that I had him I didnt even really want him, and even liked other guys! But when I knew I didnt have him and couldnt have him back I just became obsessed with him and getting that euphoric feeling again of him liking me.

I just cannot let him go. Even though I know deep in my heart that we are not right together and that I dont love him, I am still obsessed with him. It has taken over my life. I think of him morning, noon and night. It interferes with my job as Im often daydreaming about him. I cant let him go and Im scared. I have been like this before with another guy.

Whats wrong with me? Would I benefit from therapy? I feel so depressed like theres a big void in my life and the only thing that would make me happy is him. But my logical self is telling me that this is nonsense. But I cant stop thinking and feeling like this. Please someone explain because my life is in pieces and have been taken over by this obsession.

Hi Poppy,

First, welcome to the forum!

You asked if you thought therapy would help and my answer is a strong YES.
It might take some trial and error before you find one that clicks, but it is well worth the effort. I think, for people like us, talking to an experienced and impartial person can be hugely beneficial. Recently begun seeing one myself, and it always surprises me the times he'll point out a flaw in my thinking, things I had never noticed before.
I definitely think therapy helps.

*big hugs* and well wishes,

Evol

Hi Poppy. I have a similar problem. Mine isn't as bad as yours but sometimes I fear it will get that way if I don't watch myself. I get obsessed with one man at a time. It sucks!

The last guy I dated (2 dates in September. I'm still not over him) I fell in love with. I kept thinking about him and crying after he told me he liked me but he just didn't "feel" it.

I've actually made progress. I told him we couldn't do phone sex anymore unless we were dating. It was just too hard. He told me again that he just wanted to be friends. I said okay. A couple weeks later he wrote me a text and said he was sorry for leading me on. I could tell he respected me and he truly was sorry.

I also memorized all our "sexy" texts because I felt like for those moments, he really truly wanted me. Not just my body but all of me. And I wanted him...it's just like that euphoria you were describing. I made myself delete the texts a few weeks ago.

Was it easy confronting him? Was it easy deleting the texts? No way! But I did it. He's still on my facebook and he actually has a girlfriend now. The thing that makes it hard is the fact that he really is a nice guy. And he LITERALLY had all the qualities I wanted in a long-term relationship. If he was a jerk I could just forget about him. I could just block him from my facebook, but I'm not that strong. LOL! I'm just hoping I meet someone new one of these days and forget about him.

My point is, it gets easier if you work on it. I am in therapy. You should go to therapy too. And...if you can fall in love once you can fall in love again.

Poppy, When I read your post, it was as if I had written it myself. I know it has been several years since your comment, but I wondered how you are doing. I cannot afford counseling at this time, so I am seeking any assistance online.