doubting if this is ocd

my fear and obsessing that i'm going/or am a pedophile/pervert or will do something to hurt someone is not new, i've posted about it before, i almost never have ever seen a child as sexually attractive, i find my age and older attractive and at times ppl younger teens (im 19).... but i always think the worst or that i will be a terrible person or won't be able to control my urges... EVEN THOUGH I REALLY HAVE NONE.... my urges that i do get are generaaly normal.... i can find kids good lokking but not sexually attracted but whenever i'm super uncertain i always research to see the chances i'm a perv or will be a pedophile... it never really helps... but in my research i found that most pedos have child porn... which i've never seen nor have any sexual desire to see... but for some reason this topic bothers my brain... everytime i go on the computer the thought that i can go check child porn comes up... its driving me nuts!!.... i want to be a good person but i fear that i will be a pervert... if i could view child porn and not be attracted im not a pedo so some level of me wants to assure me i'm not but of course i also know its illegal... HELP!! ps: i generally am aroused by my own age or slightly younger but this whole situation is the produces the opposite of arousal and enjoyment

Hi,

I am fairly confident that this is OCD and not anythign to do [directly] with paedophilia. In fact, this year, there have been many people wit the same problem who have come to this website. OCD - in general - is about a thought entering your head that you subsequently obsess about. This thought can be related to paedophilia, death/murder, homosexuality, food, etc. So, please have confidence that it is indeed OCD, and nothing more.

As such, try to 'extract' the paedophilia aspect from the problem and only focus on the fact that it is OCD. It's about the worrying thought entering your head that subsequently results in an obsession. Try to anticipate the next time that this thought enters your head, and think of a productive way to deal with it.

I am the first to admit that I have strong OCD, but I can 'control' it by planning ahead. If I develop an obsession about, for example, cleaning my desk, I predict the next time that this thought will enter my head and tell myself that I'm going to ignore it or 'throw it out' of my mind), and feel comfortable using my desk without having to wipe it.

Kevin

what do you think about the child porn angle?

You said that you neither have seen it previously nor have any desire to [see it] in the future. This indicates that it's only the OCD that is creating a fear about it...

Kevin

thanks i hope your right, i mean i can definitely find myself attracted to young teens but i am never really finding children sexually attractive but for some reason my mind always thinks there is something wrong with me.