cant take it

well if you've read my previous posts you already know that ive been struggling with thoughts of being a pedophile but im attracted to girls/boys my age and older but like i said i can also find myself attracted to young teens 12-15... many say this is normal some don't... but as i was starting to feel better and "accept" that thats a possibility i started to get scared again... this always happens.... i saw a picture in my house of a girl i know when she was much younger she was about 9 in the pic... a girl my age now and when i was younger i found her attractive and now she definitely is... point is its a picture i payed no mind too until recently when i started notcing it... i dont know why... i realized i ffound her to be attractive in it but i didnt really feel any sexual urges... but it kept bugging me looking at the pic because 50 percent of me felt attracted and 50 percent thought she's too young... i had the thought of masturbating to the picture but i couldnt because i would feel wrong.... im almost always attracted to ppl reasonably close to my age.... and technically this girl is my age but finding a picture of her when she was younger attractive really makes me bothered... i dont want to be a perv and i can accept that i might be attracted to young teens but she was younger than that in this pic... THOUGHTS? HELP

I think you're okay...

You're 18 years old, just over the age of what is socially and legally considered adulthood. That you fear becoming a pedophile is indicative of you acknowledging there is something wrong with pedophilia--a sign of good ethics.

When you described what went through in your mind as you looked at the pic of the 9 year old, I believe you were observing your mental processes of ethics at work... especially they still forming at your age (or forever? I don't know if they really stop). You said you did not feel any sexual urges, then this means you do not find her sexually attractive, so we could rule out attractive altogether, because it can mean--pleasant to look at, especially in a sexual way (Oxford Dictionary).

Did you maybe think she was cute or something like that?

So the other 50 percent of you was saying she was too young. This is a moral feeling... so yeah... I think you're cool.

Try and make the distinction of whether you find the picture sexually attractive or aesthetically pleasing.

And also, you responded in your last thread that you were attracted to girls your age and even older, so that's also really good...

Sorry I'm just throwing sentences at ya... it's late...... lol

lol i appreciate the throwing sentences its what i wanted... well i mean originally never even looked at this picture but if i had to put a number on it id say mostly i found her "pretty" not really to the point where i was turned on however i think that if i decided to masturbate to the picture i could possibly enjoy it but i was scared to test it

be careful with the hypothetical thought, "i think that if i decided to masturbate to the picture i could possibly enjoy it" because it can cause you to doubt the situation again. you were scared, and that's good, since you're acknowledging something is wrong. your choice of words--i think, if, possibly--are used for making scenarios in which we merely suppose things, and this can bring unnecessary worry.

i agree but is it possible for a normal person to find a girl of that age attractive?

It is not normal to be sexually attracted to a girl of that age, and there is reason to be concerned if--there is a primary fixation with prepubescent children, you have a passive attitude towards that obsession and a lack of remorse for the actions related to it.

It is very important to distinguish whether you find the girl in the picture sexually attractive or simply aesthetically pleasing, cute, or charming.

You already said you were not sexually attracted, that it doesn't turn you on. But you still doubt yourself, if you would enjoy masturbating to the pic or not. Chances are, you would be in a state of great distress if you were to actually do such a thing, since even the mere thought of being a pedophile scares you.

i agree hopefully the thoughts will subside but i have a feeling that they wont and i will become a pervert