Solutions, Solutions

I need to more attention than need be, but are casual thoughts of suicide normal in even mentally healthy human beings? It seems like at the end of every day i have the vague thought of jumping off a cliff or onto a highway or something. I always ponder what i did throughout the day, tally up the stupid, rude, and odd things i've done, and, the thoughts come. Its not a serious problem, and i won't do it, because i'm a coward, and it would oppose my worldview. When does thoughts of suicide become something to take seriously? Should i be worried?

Basically, when you can't get the sucidal thoughts out of your head and you feel that you will go through with it, the intensity skyrockets... then it's time to call 911.

Some people feel they get oddly calm. People actually have a plan worked out, meaning, not just thoughts of going off a cliff, but, where you will go, what you will be doing, suicide note to let people know why your leaving...

I've been hospitalized for depression. If I can't get suicidal thoughts out of my head and the "Everyone will be much better with out me." That's as far as I go. I just pick up the phone and say get here. I don't take chances. It's better to be not ready to do it and be in an Emergency Room.

Hey, Reversal, you are the master of understatement. I tend to exaggeration. Let us meet in the middle. So you are thinking of suicide at the end of every day. That is pondering, right, could be symptomatic. And it is pondering with self-destructive content. This can not be healthy. Would you agree?
Now, let me look again: you say you are a coward, stupid, rude, odd, and you are a attention seeker. That is your picture of yourself, and you would prefer to be dead when you face that picture.
I say you are at fault, quite talented, very polite, likeable as far as I can judge and interesting, because I can read and remember and compare some posts, ok?
Would you please consider to find a professional to talk to, print and show your posts. I know you did not. Why?

First and foremost I should say that I am no expert.

If suicidal thoughts get casual--as in, you are desensitized to them, feeling little or no distress--and you are willingly thinking them, then there is reason to be concerned, because it is not healthy to have willful self-destructive thoughts. If this is the case, you should seek a little help, as we are all human and in this together--it's perfectly okay to seek help from good and able psychiatrists/psychologists, etc. These are people that really know the ins and outs of mental processes. So I'd recommend an expert.

If you are having these thoughts against your will--if these are thoughts that intrude your thinking--then these are normal, as most people experience them. For example, it is normal for a person that is high on a skyscraper to get an unwanted thought about jumping off. People prone to anxiety tend to get very distressed by this and then ruminate.

I do not get, however, why you said you won't "do it" because "I'm a coward."

Well, goodluck man!

I linked to this in another thread. The author is no psychologist but seems to know his(?) stuff. Young people struggling with suicidal thoughts say they can relate to it.

Metanoia wrote:When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is...simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.

You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.

[...]

People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.

[Source]

Refusing to commit suicide does not make you a coward. The fact that you're still here shows that you have the courage to face your life's troubles.

@remis- Oh, hello Remis. you are persistent at tracking my obscure rantings. I'm a weird person. I do have friends, but many people would interpret my behaviors as one of the three mentioned above (stupid, rude, odd), when i am not. See, i am involuntarily self-destructive throughout the day, anyway. Suicide just sometimes seems like a one-size-fits-all solution, my parents would not dissapointed in how ill-prepared i am for adulthood, i wouldn't have to remember what i did with my sister, i would not have to ponder existence all the time. In contrast, my friends, and some of my family, and life's daily pleasures will most likely keep me here. Firmly.

No, i did not find a professional yet. I have no clear way to pay for it, my family would start worrying about me, and in all, its kind of embarassing. Oh, one more thing, the description of "likeable as far as I can judge and interesting" would be you. You have consistently tried to help an online stranger with horrid mental health issues who is at least five time zones away. I can't say that i myself would bother with someone like me.

@ajerseyguy- I suppose i should see an expert, seeing as how the entire forum recommends it. Then again there as to be a big difference between the teenage exclamation of "kill me now", and suicidal contemplation.

@Twinkling. But you see, it is impractical to live like a child, always requiring help and needing reasurring. The rest of the world doesn't have time for that. Moreover, most of my pain is my fault.

Forgive my persistence. It is easy since I added you to my friendslist.

Yes, it should be free, discrete or anonymous. Don't you have a diagnosis yet? Any possibility to use that as a camouflage? No one you can trust to keep your secrets? No one to make you a good contact? I would connect you, but you are right about the time zone issue. And there are cultural differences too. You were exposed to inhuman porn as a boy. That is the start of the story.

Regarding embarrasment: I am coming home from a Emotions Anonymous meeting. Embarrasment is a threshold phenomenon. It wears off. It pays to get over it.

At this point the question is wether you denounce yourself for good reasons. Any further steps depend on that decision. Nice to have you, but the answer is not on this forum.

Suicidal thoughts.

I have gone through this at least... let me count... 5 times. For, suicidal behavior. And, hospitalized for it...

1. You have a method of killing yourself.
2. Wonder if everything would be better without yourself.
3. The next step is just doing it...
2. You have written a note telling why you are doing it.

That's it! That's all you need... and, skip the "next step of doing it! And, the note! Just call 911 and say, "get here!"

They will come very quickly...cops. and they nwill want to know what's going on. Tell them everything... suicidal thoughts... cuts you make on yourself... everything about how you feel. YOu will be taken to a an "Emergency room." You will see a nurse, then a doctor... they are NOT going to take chances on you. You will be attended to hand an foot...

Soon, a social worker on call will come to see you. You tell them how you feel. The call is theirs. You will either be released becasue you really have no threat to yourself... or you will be recommended to the nearest Psychiatric Ward.

This is so important to everyone on this site who wonders about psychiatric hospitals, I can't say it enough.

IT IS NOT WHAT YOU SEE IN THE MOVIES!

Pyschiatric hospitals are very sufisticated. So much so, that you might not even feel your in one. The average stay is 7-10 days. See my post on Psychiatric hospitals what to expect...

@Entangled. That's a foreign idea for me, being hospitalized for suicidal thoughts. I think the only the thing it would do is make me a hell-raiser. I am incompentent at certain social skills, like getting my point across, which could get you prosecuted on the emergency line if you can't get your point across. I thought I might just withdraw after I graduate and stay away from the family a long time.