Can't take it anymore

Hey I can't take this hocd memories if it's even that it all started when me and my mates went out drinking I was fairly drunk I had a thought of kissing my mate on the cheek and saying happy birthday and I'll miss you when you leave Australia for 2 years then i thought wow that thought was abit gay and I started to panick about I brushed it off and said I'll deal with it 2mos next day I woke up thinking why would I think that then I thought what if I'm gay so I told my mum what if I'm gay she said it would be ok but your not I started searching unwanted thoughts where hocd came up then I started looking up naked pics of dudes to see if I got hard and aroused and I didn't then I started looking at guys crotches to see if I got aroused i didn't then came tryin to remember my childhood I never got aroused in locker rooms as I can remember I used to get hard ons with friend I don't think it was over them I think it was just random erections I started to worry over it over and over all I know is gay porn dosnt get me hard and lesbian porn does I've never had goo goo eyes for guys never felt attraction to guys now it's like there's a gay guy in my head telling me I'm gay like fair enough if like an action I did and liked it but picturing gay stuff makes me dry heave cough it's only the thoughts that make me doubt myself not actions or experiences no just random thoughts it's been going threw the stages from gay to bi to gay to wanting to be gay then straight then bi then gay it's weird I can't convince myself I'm not gay even tho I've had 3 gfs and sex with em gay porn does not get me hard and girls do I don't perve on guys gay images make me dry heave and girls don't is this hocd and how do I get rid of it