Dealing with OCD?

Well, here it goes.

The past few (Four, maybe five?) years I’ve dealt with what I believe is commonly referred to as “intrusive thoughts”. Specifically, I deal with thoughts of violently beating my own mother. This is often caused by preexisting frustration which culminates in the intrusive thought, often leaving me feeling exhausted, and of course, guilty. It is very difficult to talk about, and I honestly think it may have strained my relationship with my mother a bit. On a similar note, I can’t handle my mother referring to me by common terms of endearment (honey, “babycakes”). Just typing those terms makes my skin crawl a bit, and whenever I hear her say them they get stuck in my head on a loop and can result in the aforementioned intrusive thought.

However, the main thing that I believe to be characteristic of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is simply the experience of obsessive anxiety. I tend to obsessively worry about any mistakes I’ve recently made, constantly envisioning the “worst case scenario” and then attempting to quell the anxiety by seeking reassurance from others (usually anonymous people online, so that I can tell the whole story without fear of friends of family judging me). To use an example- I’m a freshman in college, and I was recently with some friends in a room where alcohol consumption was occurring. I did not partake, but the room was “busted” by an RA and I’ve been worrying that I’ll get kicked out and ruin my future (although the worst punishment for being present while others drink would likely be an essay or somesuch). My friends who were also present seem completely nonchalant about it, which makes my anxiety feel even more abnormal.

I experience some relatively minor compulsions- repeatedly checking to make sure I turned the computer off/set my alarm/turned electronics off etc. This habitual checking can get annoying, but has never significantly interfered with my life, and I’ve known several non-OCD people who do similar things, so this “checking” in isolation doesn’t seem hugely characteristic of OCD.

I also deal with Asperger’s Syndrome (which could account for some of the anxiety) and trichotillomania (which is sometimes considered an OCD, but I believe is technically an impulse control disorder). Regardless, apologies for the rambling and many thanks to anyone who reads all of this. I am currently seeing a therapist who I’ve discussed some of this with, but I appreciate the input of the psychforums community.

Hello,

To me, it seems like you are going through some form of 'Pure O' (Pure obsession) OCD, which isn't actually an officially recognised disorder. The other things that you mention - the checking, for example = are definately related to OCD. I can easily see how 'Pure O' can be a predecessor to OCD, and your case is perhaps some evidence of that. In relation to Asperger's Syndrome, you should be aware that: 1. There is a good/active Asperger's Syndrome forum on this website; and 2. OCD is common in those with Asperger's Syndrome.

Whatever the case, there are ways to treat what you have, and the first move you make should be to go to your doctor/GP. As a general guidance, try to work on your authoriy and decision/making. You come across as the type of person who worries about absolutely every decision that has to be made, but this is no way of learning. You already know that the best way to learn something is to make a mistake, right? With this in mind, try to be more 'ad lib'/free with your decisions and don't even think about the posibility of failing. If failure occurs, then you should still be able to learn from it. By doing this - by having this attitude - you will eventually become a wiser person and I'm sure that your OCD would be reduced in intensity.

Take care
Kevin

Thank you for the response! "Pure O" sounds valid, I'll have to mention that to my therapist. I intend to check out the Asperger's forum here and I have read that there is some overlap between OCD and autistic spectrum disorders.

"You come across as the type of person who worries about absolutely every decision that has to be made"

You pretty much hit the nail on the head with this...I have a large fear of failure and of the future as a whole. Again, it's something that I try to work on, but the constant presence of doubt makes this a challenge. Thanks again.

Okay, no problem my friend. Best of luck toy ou.

Kevin