HELPPPP

hi i have this recurring thought that im a pedophile...ive never molested children or wanted too…. yet i fear that i am because the thought has been something that comes to mind sporadically… i saw a picture of 2 boys and found to myself that they were attractive… but they werent that young like 13/14…. i dont have innapropriate desires and i really dont want to be a pervert…. but for some reason i just think i am or will be… i find girls my age attractive but at times i find boys good looking too…. even if logically i think something there is always an underlying feeling in me that there is something wrong with me… i find that when i look at children im not attracted but can find 13-15 good looking.... i dont get aroused which pedos do and i deeply dont want to be one but i have doubts about myself.... also when i research pedophiles to see if i am one i constantly see mention of child porn and i had the thought to look at it to see if im attracted to it which really scared me.... i have never wanted to watch it and have never but the idea to even check to see if it turned me on scared me.... and when the thought of being a pedophile subsides temporarily i get an overall thought that i will still be a pervert in someway. i also sometimes dont know if i can tell the difference between sexual arousal and anxiety.... and to top it all i hate the idea that i could have ocd and be a pedophile.... or that my lack of romantic relationships with ppl my age will cause me to become one... HELP thanks

If it is OCD wich you have then google this:
Robert lindsay-POCD
You will find sime articles wich may clear things out for you.

Also how old are you ?
How long has this obsession been going ?
What compulsions you do ?
What thoughts do you get when you see a little boy/girl ?

Wanting to look at CP to check if your aroused is actually very common for people with POCD.
If you said "ima look at CP because its so freaking horny" then be freaked out
If you said "ima look at CP to check if i ger aroused" then relax!
Ask people with HOCD , 90% of them looked ar gay porn to see if they get aroused (i did when i had HOCD)

For HOCD and POCD , do not look at it! It will make it worse and you wont be able to get the images out of your head.
For POCD, its also illigal so dont look at it!

i've thoroughly read the robert lindsay article and it helped alot but still the thoughts are there... generally the first emotion when i see a child is fear. yet i analyze whether that is because i dont wanna know if i truly am attracted. i'm 18 and this first happened two years ago went away and came back. with the child porn the logic behind it was to see what my reaction would be not really a desire to watch it. i constantly repeat things in my head, go over stuff, i rinse my forehead like 20 times a day if it gets the slightest bit greasy, my showers take a while because i have a counting system because i always feel i need to get all the shampoo out of my hair, etc.... some i am able to stop or arent hard not to do.... which makes me fear that i dont have ocd and something else is wrong with me... but other things i do feel very compulsive.... in general logically i realize i have no attraction to children but like i said teens 14-16, 13 rarely i can find attractive (i mean i am a teen) but i have no real desires.... but also idk if its just me but intercourse in general doesnt turn me on so this makes me feel perverted but idk if its ocd but i find it disgusting in a way

? what do you think

If you have ocd, i dont know.
What i do know is that your nit a pedophile.
What i also know is that it is very normal to find girl 14+ attractive when your 18.
Send an email to robert lindsay and ask him, i cant diagnose someone.
But i does sound lik ocd ( or ocb)

thanks