Something weird

Ok something very weird is happening I got thoughts and anxiety but Im not worrying about I'm worrying over not worrying over it coz I did the acceptance thing and just accept it coz you"ll never know but now I'm worrying over not worrying and my minds saying if your not fearing it then you must be liking it but I've never been attracted to guys as I know of OCD is like deleting my memories and writing false ones and I've had 3 gfs 1st 1 we just kissed 2nd I lost my virginity to and 3rd 1 had sex a lot I've had 3 gay thoughts in my lifetime when I was 8 with my friend when I was 18 about kissing his neck and hugging him which I shook off and went to sleep can't remember how I felt I don't think I was aroused but brain sending me false Info and 1 where I wanted to give my friend a kiss where I had head rush I think and woke up with the what if I'm gay thought to checking reasurring website searching doubt worry its gone from gay to wanting to be gay to bi back to gay now worried I'm gonna wake up gay or worried that I like it is this back door spike coz its a whole new hell

But I dont get turned on by guys I don't wanna do nething sexual with a guy I can't even picture stuff without dry heaving

Worrying because you arent worrying = backdoor spike