ERP Help

Hey you guys, its been over a year since I last posted here. I wanted to let you know that my obsession with being evil went away about two months after I posted on here, I had had it for six months. It has left scars.

I just now noticed all the responses I got, and I wanted to say thanks for the care.

I still have OCD, and it is on the topic that gave me my first ever spike and prompted my OCD.

I don't want to waste too much time summarizing the topic and I don't want to offend anyone's religious views. My fears in a nutshell are the fears of hell and the fear of an angry and vengeful God (since I'm American, its the fundamentalist's version of the Judeo-Christian God that is stuck on my mind). Before I go any further, I'd like to point out that I am skeptical of the religion itself and as a result, do not have scrupulosity. If anyone wants to know more about how this fear got stuck in my head, why I'm afraid, and what exactly bothers me, I'll expand on the topic in another post.

I'm looking into doing ERP to desensitize myself to the topic and fears. I have a few questions to ask those who know about ERP or have done ERP?

1. Is it effective? The most important question. Is this one of those things that only works for a minority of those who undergo it or is it almost guaranteed to help if done properly? Any stories of your experiences with ERP will be appreciated.

2. How much will it help? Will it just take the edge off of my OCD, or can I expect full recovery? Even typing this question, I know that full recovery may not be realistic. I'd be satisfied with being 70% better.

3. Can I do ERP by myself? I really don't believe my OCD is severe enough for a therapist or medication, and I don't want to get into all of those things. If I properly research how to do ERP, could I do it by myself? Does anyone have any free resources on ERP?

4. How long does ERP take? I initially thought that if I did it for a week, I'd be "all better". Well, that's wrong? How long does the process take and how long will I need to do it each day?

5. Will it break me? Will the ERP break me down to the point where I can't go out in public without spiking? I can't be incapacitated, I have a real life.

6. What if the fears are real? My OCD has gotten into the habit of telling me it is "divine". My logical mind knows that this is almost certainly not true, but I still have to ask, what if my OCD actually is protecting me from something bad?

7. Other things to do to help with the OCD? No reassurance, healthy food, good sleep, and exercise are givens. Without getting to deep into vitamins and herbal treatments, what are some simple things that I can do to help with the OCD during my ERP?

8. Anxiety block. Whenever I have a bad thought now, my mind will switch topics or immediately stop thinking after two seconds or so. It will either quit completely (runaway), "logic" the thought away, or not even let the thought finish. When I've tried exposure before, I didn't get the full effect of anxiety due to this. If I do ERP, I need all of my anxiety to come out. I'm just getting the tip of the iceberg currently. How can I stop my brain from doing this split second reaction and feel the whole anxiety, not just a bad feeling then the fight or flight mechanism?

9. SUDS? These different scales I've seen in the OCD Workbook confuse me. Not to mention that I don't have any idea because (as seen in number eight) my mind never lets me feel the full anxiety.

10. Is it worth it? I've had a family member who I've explained this concept to recently tell me that it wasn't a good idea. I just went over the basics and she believed that it created too much stress and that I might only create more stress. Is this worth the stress or will it be a waste of time? Again, will it impair me in day to day life (spiking).

11. How exactly do I go about it? Do I do the worst thoughts first? How many exposures a day? What mediums (thinking, internet, etc.) and so on?

12. False memories. My OCD gives me false perceptions with my memories. My memories will be true, but I'll feel a certain way, proving the OCD "true". For example, I remember reading about Buddhism, but my OCD mind tells me that I felt "sinful" or (in the past) I'd remember something bad happening to a friend or family member, my OCD mind would tell me that I didn't care or even got some sick kick out of it. How can I deal with these fake memories?

Thanks for your help.