Recently Seperated

Hi,

Myself and my wife have seperated within the last year, and I am now living on my own and she looks after our children. As I was used to being the one to tidy our house (and with two young children, that took up most of my free time) I'm finding myself developing more and more quirks around the house as time passes. Just a brief few of them would be that I am absolutely meticulous about all the furniture sitting at exact distances from each other and all through the summer I couldn't sleep as I was worried about spiders coming into the house - I ended up sellotaping over all the skirting boards to try and stop them coming in. If I tidy the house and I still have free time, I cut my nails and check that they are level by putting a ruler against them, and I keep trimming until they are perfectly level. One one occasion I trimmed a nail so far down to get it right I had to wear plasters on my finger as I was so embarassed with what I had done. I think this may be caused by my worries about potentially dating again, and I want to make the right impression with new people but any dates I've had have went disasterously wrong as I have moved furniture with them sitting on it and I've even followed them to the bathroom and started cleaning as soon as they are done. Any advice would be very gratefully received. Thank you.

Hi Borrison

I too developed OCD following the breakup of my marriage four years ago. As my husband left me for a younger woman, I became obsessed with my own appearance. It began with small things like brushing my teeth everytime i ate or drank anything, and plucking my eyebrows to the exact same length on either side. My fear of getting old rapidly increased and I spent thousands of pounds on facial scrubs and creams to try to slow down the ageing process and sometimes my cleansing routine would take up to 3 hours, meticulously masaging in each product in eactly the same way, the same number of times each time. I became obsessed with facial scrubbing, at one stage I had been ill and couldn't get to the shops to buy any scrub at which point I actually used a kitchen scourer on my face.
I have always had a small OCD with germs which would flare up and become worse in times of stress, however it was nothing more that washing my hands after handling items which had come from anywhere other than my home or someone I knew. But as time went on I became obsessed with germs and that the germs would make me ill and less attractive. If I was leaving the house I would wear gloves even in summer. Doing jobs around the home I would wear latex surgical gloves and if I touched my face by accident with the gloves I would then have to begin my scrubbing routine.
I had managed to hide my OCD reasonably well from my friends and family but I eventually met another man. (Please be aware that I am embarrassed about this and the memory causes me pain, but I feel I must tell you as a cautionary tale and hopefully you will take steps to get some help before its too late). As I couldn't bare the thought of going out in public and touching cutlery and glasses that had been touched by other people, I invited him to my house for dinner thus hiding my OCD. However after several dates, things started to become physical. As difficult as it was for me to hold hands and kiss him, I managed to do so, even though I would use anti- bac hand gel regularly and nip to the bathroom to use an anti bacterial mouth wash after we had kissed. As our relationship progressed, things became more physical and one thing led to another, before long we were naked and on the verge of engaging in foreplay but it was too much for my OCD, all I could think of were germs from his penis or hands so I asked him if we could both wear a pair of the surgical gloves that I kept in the bedside cabinet. Needless to say he was shocked and quite horrified. He got up and got dressed and left. Following this incident, he spread rumours around my home town about me being a pervert. Obviously I was devastated and ashamed and it was at this point that I chose to get help. I went to see a cognitive psychologist but the place I have got the most help from is my dance therapy class. I no longer obsess abut germs and am free to dine out and no longer wear gloves. I still use alot of anti-bac gel but this is leaps and bounds from where I used to be. dance therapy has liberated me and I suggest you try it. http://www.admt.org.uk should give you some idea about what dance therapy is and how it can help. If you contact them they will be able to tell you where your nearest dance therapist is. Expressing myself through the medium of dance has really changed my life and I hope it can change yours too.

Firstly, thanks for your reply and for being open with your past, I'm not used to talking about this and it's still hard even though I'm anonymous as such on the forum.

I appreciate your advice however I must point out (and you couldn't possibly have known from reading my post) that I am physically handicapped and as I'm confined to a wheelchair dance therapy might be a little difficult for me to manage! Thank you for your response though.

~B

Hello Borrison

Firstly I'd like to apologise if my suggestion of dance therapy upset you in any way but I'd like to ask, if you don't mind, do you still have use of your arms? Wheelchair dancing is very popular and may also help you meet people and potential partners. There are several wheelchair users at my dance therapy class and although their movement is limited to their upper body and in some cases only their head, they still find it a useful outlet and the social and support aspects really are wonderful. My dance class does not deal solely with OCD and many of the members have other psychiatric problems which I find helps me with my issues as I have suffered with other things such as anxiety disorder and sexual fetishes. I would encourage you to look into it, even if it's not for you, it's worth a try. You may even meet someone who understands your OCD and become romatically involved which will help with your fear of dating.

Mutcher