Aggression and guilt

Hey y'all,

I'm pretty certain this topic has been discussed here before, but I'm starting a new thread about this. The thing is, I have really scary and aggressive thoughts sometimes! And I feel really guilty because of these thoughts and get horrible anxiety attacks.

I already had these thoughts years ago, but they stayed away for a long time. Now they're back. It started again when I was babysitting my nephew (10 months old). He woke up from a nap and was crying. I was tired and grumpy and I lifted him from his bed and put him on the sofa. Now I'm thinking: what if I hurt him somehow? Did I throw him on the couch violently? What if the baby noticed my grumpiness and got scared because I was aggressive? What if I caused him an injury? Ok, he seems to be fine, but I just can't let go of these thoughts... I keep thinking, "what if something would have happened? what if I had hurt him? what if I would have dropped him on the floor on purpose?"

This is driving me nuts. I'm losing it... It almost seems like I cannot tell thoughts and actions apart! When I think of doing something bad, it almost feels like I had actually done that thing... Is this even OCD anymore, or am I completely delusional? Or just an evil person?!

I know I have OCD because I've been diagnosed with it. I also suffer from depression. I take 300 mg of Effexor (venlafaxine) daily but it doesn't seem to do anything to me at the moment. Why this sudden relapse? Did my meds stop working?

I ruminated this thing for a couple of days. Now I try not to think about it which helps a bit. However the anxiety is on the background all the time. Can somebody please give me some advice... maybe there's some technique I could use to calm myself down.

Other situations in your life may be bumping up your stress level or reducing your natural serotonin levels. The Effexor meds will take the edge off the Anxieties, but it's best to supplement with mental techniques and physical actions.

CBT has been shown to be effective in addressing the underlying premises of OC thoughts. Its techniques will help you change the extreme way you view (and then feel about) things that are worrisome.

Mindfulness is a concept that combines Buddhist philosophy of acceptance of the way the world is with mental exercises designed to alleviate physical stress. It is targeted meditation that can include yoga.

Rigorous physical exercise and eating high carbohydrate foods can have an immediate impact on enhancing mood by releasing serotonin in the brain.

Thank you for your answer realitycheque. Yeah, I think you're right, it's some other things that cause me stress.

As for the situation I was describing... When my nephew was crying, I wasn't thinking about hurting him (at least I don't remember). It was more like I was very tired and wanted to be somewhere else. The intrusive thoughts about hurting him came later. I don't know... I guess I'm having some kind of crisis. I'm 30 years old and many of my acquintances are having babies right now. I kind of want to have a baby too but I don't know if I can, because of my mental health issues. I get weird mood swings sometimes and I fear I would be a terrible mother. All this is making me very depressed.

Thank you for your advice. I definitely need some therapy for my anxiety and OCD. Right now I've been a bit sick which has forced me to stay in bed but I'll become more active and start exercising soon.

Shame can be a residual feeling of the paranoid-schizoid position, through which he felt persecuted by the other partners, family and God Their attack was strong, but usually their aggressiveness and the influences came to be used constructively and they proceeded towards integration. At the time of their children died, mourners went from disintegration and integration.