widower boyfriend ocd?

My boyfriend has both ocd and ocpd sympotoms,and Im reading that ocd and ocpd dont share symptoms???...living together 4 months,dating a year.He told me he "became OCD" after his M.S. wife died a couple of yrs ago.She was bedridden 16 yrs and he took care of her needs,holding her tremoring head while feeding,caths,diapers,etc.Certainly made sense that it could cause some anxiety.But his mom recently told me he's always been that way,even in childhood.(His mom has some of the same symptoms, astericks indicate)Symptoms:when stressed, washes sink over and over.when in an argument, runs around cleaning and organizing.has to do the same thing every night.*extreme rules about towel folding,cleaning rules, laundry rules that are mind-blowing,etc.*judges others very harshly.*lacks empathy.*wants praise constantly, maintains image, distant and uninterested in what others have to say, not genuine. *says horribly disrespectful things.*thin skinned,*cant spend $5 on others, but saves plenty of money for his retirement and (spends $1500 on a motorcycle part as if it's chump change because that is his evening hobby.He has so many parts his garage is overflowing.Lots of loans for that hobby.)hands twitch constantly.sighs often. breathes like he's stressed out.considers leisure time to be lazy.(hes always either working or asleep.) doesnt sleep well.fits of rage if suggested hes in error.lies often. sucks up to people, then turns to me and says he hates them after haning up the phone,etc.strangely eskewed sense of time,has only one friend whom he calls constantly,dozens of times a day and the man calls him dozens of times a day,too.wears things out. a song, a color that is his fav.extremely arrogant but praises his own humbleness. a martyr/victim.takes meals to impoverished so he can tell people. tells of his sticking by and caring for dead wife constantly(I found emails of an affair while she was alive, but I imagine that life was hell).resents me not psychically doing things his way.says somethings ok until theres an argument, then blames.cant throw anything away,even gift wrap.How can he have ocd and ocpd symptoms both?

the gifts are still in their gift bags. in the closets..in the 2nd shower...he becomes incredibly agitated if he cant find something. he'll look everywhere and all night long in a panic, even for an unimportant thing..he keeps everything...and he demands...tells me "put your phone down" because im rude to look at it. if he hangs on his phone for his own reasons thats acceptable..those reasons are ok...Its definitely time for me to move on...SO glad we didnt conceive or marry, but tell me what he has,please..my new litmus test for a relationship partner is "healthy mentally"...we can only handle what we can handle and I cant give my one life away to waling on eggshells and being abused....Im not even sure what he'll do when i end it...

donnaB wrote:My boyfriend has both ocd and ocpd sympotoms,and Im reading that ocd and ocpd dont share symptoms

Some websites may state that, or more commonly that they aren't related, but they are both based on Anxieties, so disregard that misinformation. The new DSM5 criteria more closely aligns traits.

donnaB wrote:living together 4 months,dating a year.He told me he "became OCD" after his M.S. wife died a couple of yrs ago.

His wife's death probably did not cause his becoming OCD/OCPD. It's easier to blame something "noble" or emotion-evoking than oneself for having faulty cognitive thinking. The symptoms you cite are due to chemical imbalances and mental problems from long before his wife.

donnaB wrote:Its definitely time for me to move on...SO glad we didnt conceive or marry, but tell me what he has,please..my new litmus test for a relationship partner is "healthy mentally"...we can only handle what we can handle and I cant give my one life away to waling on eggshells and being abused....Im not even sure what he'll do when i end it...

Good, you've made the right decision. It's just not worth the pain. What often happens when you separate is "Hoovering"*, so just be aware he may in panic start temporarily improving his behavior, only to go right back to them after you've been "sucked back" into his life. Unless the person goes into and stays indefinitely in therapy and/or on medication, you will never have a chance at successfully living with that person.

*http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/Hoovering.html

wow, you are right. He does do that. Ive tried to break it off before and then he becomes amazing! but he goes back..Ive left out many symptoms. teeth grinding. hair twirling,constant nail filing and picking. hitting a door and punching the excellorator (sp?) this is the strangest experience. hes brilliant and funny and adoring...then hes exhausting and frightening. I dont think Im qualified to help him...Ive got to end it completely.