Hi there, lately, I've been stressed out over the possibility of being a sociopath. This first came about five months ago, subsided two and a half months ago after I reassured myself that I was fine, and now it is back. I spent the last two days obsessively Googling the topic. Needless to say that I have OCD. Now, I want this to be over with once and for all, so I'm going all out and posting out all of the evidence for and against being a sociopath.
If you hate reading long posts, you're on the wrong thread, just warning you.
1. GLIB and SUPERFICIAL CHARM -- nope, quite to the contrary, I'm very socially inept and nervous around people I don't know. I feel ugly and awkward.
2. GRANDIOSE SELF-WORTH -- yes, I brag when I do well. I also think that I'm smarter than most people, which may be true. I'm not a messiah like figure though. There are people better than me and people in general are equals (almost

3. NEED FOR STIMULATION or PRONENESS TO BOREDOM -- I get bored easily, but then ponder an idea or browse the web. I don't do anything crazy to excite myself though.
4. PATHOLOGICAL LYING -- this isn't me. I rarely lie. When I do, I feel dirty about it. I'm also very bad at lying, people say they can see it in my face. Honesty is the best policy for me, it works better and causes fewer problems.
5. CONNING AND MANIPULATIVENESS- I've tried manipulating kids when I was younger, but I wasn't good at it. I never tried and I felt lonely/ashamed when I did so. Every once in a while, I'll manipulate a younger sibling to let me use something (computer, television). I'll convince them that they'd be better off doing something else. When I've placed them on said form of entertainment, I'll do what I need to do, then give them back what I borrowed. They usually enjoyed doing the alternative form of entertainment. Also, I've never manipulated anyone long-term or with the intent of a goal (I read that sociopaths are known for doing that)
6. LACK OF REMORSE OR GUILT -- The funny thing is that I feel guilty (genuine guilt) at the slightest infraction or worse out in public. At home, I'm more cold hearted. I used to feel guilty a lot, but I've suffered a rather severe depression and have lost some of my sympathizing abilities. When I tease my sibling, I don't feel bad unless I see an totally miserable look on their face. When I'm guilty, I don't know how to handle it. It feels odd. I usually apologize and get done with it. But, I don't get guilty much at all.
7. SHALLOW AFFECT -- I can feel giddyness, fear, anger, hatred, anxiety, desire and a slew of other feelings. I think my feelings are genuine and identified correctly.
8. CALLOUSNESS and LACK OF EMPATHY -- I am bluntly honest, but I'm not an asshole. It is hard for me to identify and empathize with others, but I've done it before, but like I said, not too often. The average sob story on television (non-fictional, fiction makes me feel like I am part of the show) or moaning from a peer will garner no reaction other than a polite reaction (sorry about that, maybe you should...). When I do empathize, it is extreme. I empathize for sad children and other times to random events. Everytime, my eyes start to water, so I have to stop the feeling before it leads to crying.
9. PARASITIC LIFESTYLE -- My parents still help me a bit too much for my age, but I'm still a minor. I don't leech off of people, I want to be self-sufficient.
10. POOR BEHAVIORAL CONTROLS -- I'll lose my temper once in a while, but usually can control impulses. In fact, I've never gotten in trouble at school and my home behavior is "OK".
11. PROMISCUOUS SEXUAL BEHAVIOR -- This doesn't apply to me due to age. But, I don't depend on sex as many my age do.
12. EARLY BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS -- I could be naughty at times, but so is every child. No issues.
13. LACK OF REALISTIC, LONG-TERM GOALS -- I really don't know what I want to do. I know I want to leave a positive impact on society, but lack a real direction.
14. IMPULSIVITY -- Nope, most of the times I keep myself in check and consider the consequences of my actions.
15. IRRESPONSIBILITY -- I'm human, but more responsible than most to put it simply.
16. FAILURE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR OWN ACTIONS -- I blame others for my problems. Nothing is ever my fault. At least that is what one part of my brain says. The other more logical part of my brain knows deep down what I'm at fault for. I've tried to adjust this for ego reasons (so I can be a better person) but it is hard. It is almost like my brain shuts down at the thought of me being completely responsible for screwing myself up.
17. THE TRIAD- Nothing here. I've never harmed an animal other than teasing my cat with string. I like fireworks, but I have no interest in fire. I think I've wet the bed twice since I was eight.
18. JUVENILE DELINQUENCY -- I've already stated this, but I've had no problems. In fact, adults frequently tell me how well behaved I am and how kind I am (kindness stems from politeness, nothing else).
19. CRIMINAL VERSATILITY -- Nothing here. I have a clean record.
20. LACK OF CREATIVITY-- Actually, I'd say that I'm always day-dreaming and coming up with new ideas.
21. INGRADITUTE-- I am saddened by the amount of kindness I recieve. I really am. People are so nice to me yet I'm so horrible. On the verge of tears as a matter of fact. I feel this way some of the time. Most of the times, I'm normal.
22. LACK OF INSIGHT-- If anything, I'd say I'm one of the most insightful people I know.
23. INCONSIDERATE-- Often, I don't consider someone's feelings. As a teenager, I can be very selfish. A lot of times, I nag people despite what they want. I fail to take their feelings into consideration.
There have been some ideas that worry me that aren't on the above list.
1. REACTION TO LOSING A FAMILY MEMBER-- I've never lost a family member before, so I don't know how I'd feel. Would I greive for that person? Would it be because I lost a loved or a plaything? Would I just go back to playing on the internet a few hours afterwards? Do I really love my family?
2. CAN I TEAR DOWN MY MORAL WALL-- For my entire life, I've considered myself to be morally stern. Today, I tested myself in a few ways to see if I truly am a "good" person or if I'm simply deluding myself. I thumbed my dog somewhat hard on the ear. He wiggled a bit but it didn't hurt him. I instantly felt wrong and started petting him until he was happy again. I don't know if I felt wrongly just to say that I'm not a sociopath or if I felt guilty for hurting him. I think I felt guiilty, but I'm just not sure. Also, I found a dollar on my house floor and decided to test myself again. As I was about to shove the dollar into my wallet, I felt corrupt. Again, I don't know if my conscience was screaming at me to stop or if I was just trying not to be a sociopath. I gave the dollar back quickly.
3. WOULD I BE ABLE TO LEAVE MY FAMILY WITHOUT EMOTION-- I read that sociopaths are capable of leaving their loved ones without even a note. I pondered whether I could just walk off without caring. Again, I've never been away from them for a long amount of time, so I wouldn't know. (My family treats me very well) I'd imagine coming back for the wrong reasons. I'd be lonely, but I wouldn't pity my family for the concern and hell they'd be put through.
I tend to use my family as sounding boards. In fact, I've even tested my younger sibling (who I deem normal) on how she feels morally about certain situations and if she thinks I'm decent. Everyone in my family says that I'm fine and that they would have noticed if something was wrong. But, alas I don't believe them.
Like the list says, I lack guilt and empathy, but am not fully devoid of the emotions. Unlike the list's requirments, I'm not suave or slick, violent, or anything else. The few things I have somewhat in common with a sociopath still give my OCD a trigger. I can't even do anything until I know that I'm normal, I desire to fit in and not carry an incurable disease. I have so many books to read!!
Again, I've never even posted on this website except to have my own fears soothed (I'm not exactly a helper), which goes back to the qualities on the list.
i'll add more detail if I have forgotten something or need to elaborate on something. I'm tired of being scared. I want to be normal.
ADD, OCD, avoidant, dependant, Tourette's, schizotypal, depressed, and slightly paranoid; sure. But I can't bear being a sociopath for some reason.
Thank you for your help (aah! I say that out of pure habit and hope of my problem magically being solved, not out of genuine thankfulness!!!)