people obsession

Hi, I think I understand what you're going through. I've had obsessions over many people throughout the years, but this year I would say has been the most mild obsession of mine yet. I'm not sure what triggers my obsessions over people, but when I get obsessed I will look them up online and just look at pictures of them. I've had 3 obsessions so far, the two in the past have been actors; the first started in the 4th grade after watching a movie with her in it and the other in middle school also just seeing her in a movie. For some reason, it's always a girl I become obsessed with. Now, I'm in high school and I've become obsessed with my best friend!! I'm not sure why I'm obsessed with her, but I will always look her up on Facebook and will always try to get her to go with me to the movies etc. I have a feeling that I'm annoying her and creeping her out, but I can't stand not speaking or seeing her. It all started this year when I met her through another friend of mine. Now, she's the only person on my mind and like you, everything reminds me of her. I've had feelings that maybe I'm possibly a lesbian or bi, but I have no clue; I've dated guys in the past. If I can't get in contact with her like she doesn't answer me back with a text, I get really sad/mad like I'm annoying her or freaking her out. I would do almost anything for her. I'm really confused and have no one to talk to about this. I can speak to my family about this, but I have a feeling they will disown me thinking I'm a creep or will want to take me to a psychiatric hospital or something because they don't understand. This is why I went online to see if there are any other people who have the same problem. So, maybe I won't feel so much like a misfit.

Hello everyone,

Wow, I am so glad that I came across this discussion. I have this EXACT problem. I've been obsessed with various people as long as I can remember. These people include actresses, other celebrities, teachers, and people I barely know. I've even questioned my sexuality because I obsess over people of both genders (I am female.) The obsessions got more intense when I was about 13 years old (I am now 18 years old.) I refer to them as crushes, but I know that they are definitely obsessions. I think about the particular person almost all of the time and cannot stop looking them up online or talking about them. It's so frustrating, but I truly enjoy it at the same time. I have OCD, so I THINK this is what it is. But sometimes I feel like obsessing over somebody helps temporarily reduce my anxiety and makes me happy. It takes up a ton of my time. I keep thinking that OCD is supposed to be distressful, which it undoubtedly has been for me in the past. But this is not distressful. So, I can't tell if this is OCD, insecurity, anxiety, or what. I often feel as though I look to these "crushes" for inspiration. And these obsessions can last for YEARS. And I don't want to let go of them in fear of having nothing to be preoccupied with. Anyway, just wanted to add to the discussion. Sorry for being so late!

Again, thanks everyone for writing in this discussion--makes me realize that I am truly NOT insane!

All the best.

This is so interesting, I'm glad I found this thread.

I had obsessions over popstars when I was young like most teenage girls (only male ones though). I'm 41 now and I don't obsess over people now, although I obsess over "information". Like, if I dont know the answer to something I have to google the hell out of it until I'm satisfied I have the answer.

I've been doing it tonight actually on "confusing love with obsession". Reason being is that I went to my psychotherapist earlier this evening and was talking to her about my ex boyfriend and our recent split. And I explained how we were boyfriend and girlfriend when I was 16 (he had had a crush on me for 2 years before asking me out and I hadn't really been bothered), then I finished with him (he was 2 years younger and I bowed to peer pressure on the age issue) and then regretted my decision. He wouldnt talk to me for 2 years until I was 18. Then we had casual dating relationship with each other for a further 2 years before one day when I was 20, he just disappeared from my life (at the time I did not know where or why exactly). I didn't hear from him again for 19 years. And no I never tried to track him down in those 19 years (surely if I was "obsessed" rather than "true love" I wouldve tried no?)

Then 2 years ago he tracked me down and we started a committed relationship after discussing what happened all those years ago.

The reason I'm posting this here is that I always thought I was in love with him. But now I'm thinking I may have been/am obsessed with him rather than "in love". Reason being is who, when they finish with a boy when they're 16, still watch him from afar and write every day in their diary about him and take photos of him he was unaware of, and steal bits of his clothing that I found, while he was refusing to speak to me?

Who then, when he disappeared after our 2 year "occassional friends with benefits" relationship at the age of 20, when he disappeared off the face of the earth, was still "in love with him" and spends the next 19 years hardly dating anyone, never "falling in love" with anyone else, always comparing new people to him and never getting married. I had to pretend he was dead (he may well have been for all I knew) just to cope with the "heartache".

And then who, when he tracked her down at the age of 39, when told he disappeared 19 years previous because he met someone, moved with her, moved in with her, had 2 kids and got married (and then divorced 6 years later) then agrees to have a committed relationship with that person because after all these years they are "still in love" with him and wanted what "should have been hers"?

For the record, the reason we split up is because one day he just suddenly stopped contact with me, wouldnt give me a reason, wouldnt respond (he hasnt moved though but the no contact out of the blue brought back what happened 20 years ago and I wasn't prepared to go chase him even though my heart is breaking and he obviously isnt prepared to explain or try with me). So in a way, he's pretty much done the same thing on me all these years later. But this time can't blame it on being "young and foolish". Shame on me.

And still I can't hate him (or be "indifferent" - which is what I really long for). I don't want him back now. This was too disrespectful after our 2 years together and the fact that he's not clamouring to speak to me tells me he doesn't want to. I have some self respect.

I am not like this with anyone else though. I have blocked many people out of my life for upsetting me (some for quite trivial upsets if im completely honest) without any regrets or thought about it. They hurt me, they can go. That's fine.

But him. I just don't know. I'm thinking I dont love him, I'm just obsessed (don't know why). Whether I'm physically with him or not, I just can't stop the "feeling". Then I think no, I truly love him, always have. I just don't know which it is now, and worse still, I don't know how to stop it.

Well, that's an interesting post, so I had to write a reply. (sorry about my amateur english)

I'm going through some 'people obsession' myself... but not really in the exact same way that you guys wrote... I just focused in some male friend (i'm also male, not gay) I had when I was 13,14, and I don't see him for years now... But I focused an obsession out of nowhere over him. Now I see this guy in everything. Everything I hear, I see, I can associate with him. When I see someone with fat cheeks, I see him, because he had fat cheeks. I see him in movies we saw together, games we used to play, everything. I'm sick of it. I know it may sounds "gay".. but is absolutely 100% not in this way. Is a bad obsession. I hate thinking about him now... Before all of this, he was a normal memory, now i hate it... My case seems to be more like a PAST obsession, than a people obsession...

There seems to be some confusion throughout this post as to what OCD actually is. OCD is an anxiety disorder that is characterized by unwanted thoughts. Not thoughts that give you pleasure. If the thoughts give you true pleasure, it's probably not really OCD.

A good way to tell if it's OCD is to ask yourself if you would rather have more or less of these thoughts? If it's less, then it's probably OCD.

definitely less, in my case. I hate it more than anything

It's so crazy because while reading your original post it sounds just like myself. Everything you've said was on point for me except for your specific experiences. However, mine are very similar. I hope to get some answers form this post.

I think it's hard to figure out sometimes exactly what is causing certain symptoms.

I posted on another OCD forum a while back and someone said 'if you fancy someone, it's not OCD. If you're trying to work out whether you fancy them, it might be OCD'.

Personally I have a specific type that I fancy. I know I am attracted to certain people. But where OCD might come into it is with a specific obsession of mine that I've written about in another post. I became fixated with her to the point of obsession, thinking about her constantly. She's left work now so I haven't seen her for months and yet I still think about her. And this obsession arose from a friend saying 'maybe you fancy her!' When I remarked she was pretty. I spent weeks thinking over his remarks and trying to work out if it was true. Then bam, suddenly a major obsession. But now I realise I have OCD obsessions I'm wondering if I ever really had proper feelings for her or was it all from suggestion?

From about the time I was 14, I've obsessed over people. Never celebrities, but people I just barely know. It's not a crush. There's no romantic interest. I'm very selective with whom I obsess about. It would be horrible for them, or anyone in fact, to know. I obsess over what they say, do, how they look, what they wear, take vacations, their mannerisms. It takes a lot of time to be obsessed with someone. During cancer treatment, I didn't think at all about my obsessions. I was too busy. Obsessions are creeping back slightly, and I catch myself. Mostly Googling, not actually peeping in anyone's window. I have a full work, family and social life. So I'm not lonely for anyone's company.

I went as far as to make a grid of the top six obsessions that I've had. I cross referenced to see any similarities, something to tie them all together. They had commonalities. Thin, beautiful, long dark hair, seemingly exciting lives, well to do, entrepreneurial. It sounds like jealously, but it's not that simple. I love to observe some of my obsession's hand gestures. They are gliding through life, with sophistication and aplomb. I have OCD. More obsessive (obviously) than compulsive. Growing up, I thought that if I failed to look at a certain window, while going down a freeway, off to the side, then WWWIII would happen. I had to look at it. One day a huge stone wall was built, and I couldn't look at this certain house, with a certain window. The Soviets marched into Afghanistan that day, and I thought there could be a connection. This was around 1980.