Confused, losing control, and wondering what to do.

Basically, I would rather focus on what has happened in the past 6 months then what has been happening for the past 7 years. As it is in the past 6 months, that the '$#%^ hit the fan'. Within the past 6 months I have spent 2 in a psych ward. 1 for being in psychosis, the other for a suicide attempt. Also during those 6 months I have started self harming and engaging in self destructive behaviour.

So what am I diagnosed with? Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. My Obsessions are intrusive and persistent thoughts, which are vocalized into two voices David and Victoria(Auditory Hallucinations). David, looks to be paranoid and vocalizes this to me telling me I am being watched, followed, etc. He tells me their are agents after me. His compulsions appear to manifest into self harming me, doing rituals, etc. I do not know who these agents are. Right now I am starting to fall into that delusion again though, because I am off my medication. Victoria is different, she has obsessive homicidal/suicidal thoughts, and compulsions. These compulsions are starting to scare me, because it is getting me excited. For seven years I have been scared of these thoughts, and I feel the only way to end this is to kill myself. So my obsessive thoughts are paranoid, homicidal, and suicidal in nature. My compulsions are self harming, rituals, and wanting to carry out suicide/homocide.

My life is going out of control. I don't want to take the medication because I don't see it helping me. Even when on it, I feel different. I just feel extremely depressed and suicidal. I have no were to turn, and am just scared and lonely. Looking for help, on ways to deal with this and not end up killing myself. A list of medication I have been on is ativan, valium, geodon, luvox, clonidine, rispiridone, citalopram, trazodone, and seroquel.

Please, note the names of the voices I hear are not what I named them. They are what they told me they wanted to be called. I know strange.

examples of my compulsions:
-- When opening doors need to do it twice.
-- Have compulsions to cut myself, which is related to the intrusive thoughts of David.
-- Repeatedly checking locks on doors.

Hi! Could you talk to another doctor and ask them what they think is going on? Maybe there is more than OCD going on and maybe you can find new and better meds. Definitely tell them about the fact that when you were taking the other meds you were feeling suicidal.
You're not alone any more, there are lots of people here who could give you some advice. Try posting the in Living with mental illness forum too.

Be careful about any advice you get on the internet. You might get some helpful info, but these people don't know you or all the particulars of your situation. So it's hard for anyone to give you a definitive answer.

I strongly suggest that you not go off your medication, or change anything about them, without guidance from the person who prescribed them for you. I'm not against anybody not wanting to be on meds; I'm very sympathetic to that. But you can have some serious problems if you go off medication or change your dosage by yourself.

When you’re feeling negative about the medications you took, why don’t you seek another advice from your physician? Share with him/her your thoughts and your feelings. Maybe he could help you allay your feelings. Another alternative way aside from taking medications is the energy medicine. I too, have an experienced how I benefited from the Yuen method. My experience with Paul Wong in energy healing was great. He created a very relaxed atmosphere that I felt safe and comfortable during and after the session. I’ve had issues like depression, chronic pain, anxiety, and I always feel tired. During the session, he identified the events and times in my life which I had not realized that weighing on me until he cleared the blockages. After the clearing session, I feel more comfortable and feel very light as if the heavy object has been taken away from my body. This healing is very amazing as it helps me manage my overall health condition and resolve all my issues in life that became an energetic imprints.