I don't know where else to go...

Let me start by saying this is an awesome site. Very active and several helpful forums. I'm not sure what's wrong with me or if anything is at all. maybe i'm just being a wuss and need to control myself.

Anyways, my mind obsesses over things. It seems to have been doing it since middle school as far as I can remember... but then it wasn't very severe at all and I obsessed for short times over little things... usually my mind would think of something that annoyed me or gave me a weird feeling.

but there's this girl. she's the only girl i've ever slept with (but many times). she was my girl. about five months ago she told me that she was raped. it had apparently happened a month prior to her telling me. i realize i'm not the only guy that has had a loved one been taken advantage of. i also realize that i'm not the one that was taken advantage of. my heart goes out to anyone that has been through this.

i've always been the type for things to affect me in extreme ways...but this was too much. for the past five months (the first two or three being the worst) i have had spells where my mind would concentrate on just this incident. i can't seem to think of anything else. sometimes my whole day would be wrapped around this thought process. it annoys me. it kills me inside. it makes me sick. i get terrible images in my head. i start thinking about how it happened, what went down and i can't stop. it was so intense a couple months back that i went into depression and had some disturbing suicidal thoughts. maybe everyone goes through this when they hear of such news? if so i'm sorry for being a bother.

since then i've been working on mind control. it's been better, but last night i had another spell...

i'm sorry this is such a long post. i haven't talked to anyone in this much detail and would like to know if something's wrong with me or just any help to get over this. just "not thinking about it" is easier said than done.

-B

Hey bixer,

your definitely not being a wuss, and telling yourself to just get over it isn't helpful is it, because it just makes things worse really. The truth is how are you suppose to just get over it, if you could you would already wouldn't you

It's difficult to know whether you have OCD, you could perhaps have a generalised anxiety disorder. Which means you worry all the time about things happening. It might not be either of these two.

Whatever your diagnosis I think it's best to go an see a professional so that they can do a through assessment. Plus it's really taking it's toll on you and making your sick. You can go and see a doctor and they can refer you to a psychologist or other mental health professional who see people like this all the time. Sometimes medication is involved with a psychotherapy like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.

The good news is that it works and helps you to manage with whatever you having to deal with.

Its very common to experience both depression and anxiety problems of all types. Loads of people in the community experience them. It doesn't mean your weak or that your weird.

You girlfriend told you something that you were not expecting and I think it's normal to be in shock and because you've been sleeping with her I think it's normal to go through your mind what happened, how it happened, why etc.

The important thing is that it's having a really bad impact on you, and I think a professional can help you with some strategies for managing your thinking and behaviour.

In the meantime and I know this sounds sappy, but be kind to yourself. Eat well, if you can make sure you get enough sleep. Exercise is great for mental health, like stress, and depression. You don't have to slugg it out at the gym if that's not what your into. Even just a half hour walk each day changes your physiology and your mind.

Good luck with it all and post again if you need to.

because this seems like an isolated incident, and its a pretty big incident, i don't think any thing is wrong with you. It does show obsession; but its normal for everyone to have obsessions once in a while. If you develop any other obsessive thoughts about other things; you may want to check in with a trusted adult or even a therapist. But i assure you, there IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. I had the same worries though- and I know what your going through. I have OCD, but am on meds, and its greatly improved my symptoms.

i hope this helps, message me if you want to vent on anything