POCD- Scared I might have connected some dots

I have been suffering for POCD for a long time, and I thought I was doing better. But yesterday I remembered and then also realized something and it makes me so much more terrified that I might be a p.

So some months ago, before I had POCD, I had random thoughts about watching rape scenes from movies/comics (all of those were legal). I even had a plan about where I could watch them and that I just would need to go on the site where it's streamed, but in the end, I never did it. Except by one; I was doing an edit of the show and remembered it and tried to search for it on youtube but luckily, didn't find anything. And I'm sure that if I would have really wanted to see it, I would have turned on the show. But I didn't do it by any of them. I think I forgot it right afterwards because I always kept my mind occupied with something else.

But well now I remembered it and I'm disgusted of myself because in three of those scenes there were minors getting abused and I'm now terrified that it might mean I'm a p. Why did I even want to see those scenes?! I just wish my sister wouldn't have shown me those movies. I can't even sleep because of how awful I feel and the only thing that keeps me from having a breakdown is that in the end I never watched those scenes. But still am I considered a pedophile for that? I'm so scared

watching rape scenes from movies/comics

This is not an indication of pedophilia.

because in three of those scenes there were minors getting abused

Same as above.

Your description is a bit confusing. I understand it's hard to talk about these things. I haven't seen your other posts but have you been diagnosed with OCD?

If you are and you are testing, you should know that testing will make things worse. Try to ease up and not be so hard on yourself.