Are My POCD Thoughts really POCD?

Hello and welcome to the forums!

BurdenedMind01 wrote:I don’t know if these thoughts are ocd, or if they could also be something similar to a schizophrenic type mental disease.

Our thinking can get pretty delusional sometimes but if you were experiencing schizophrenia you wouldn't know it. Well I mean you sort of would but something like that, you'd have beliefs and often auditory or visual hallucinations that you'd have difficulty in distinguishing from reality. But you retain the understanding these are thoughts inside your head.

At least that's my understanding of it. Furthermore with OCD the intrusive thoughts are often against our core nature; ego-dystonic. That's what makes them so distressing.

For decades I've had harm-related OCD thoughts centered around killing others or myself. At no time have I ever acted on those thoughts- I promise I'm not posting this from the penitentiary. When it comes to OCD, we're not our thoughts. Those thoughts can't make you do anything. Only you can make yourself do something naughty on the computer. I've been through all the things OCD can throw at you in this regard with respect to my Harm OCD: I won't be able to help myself. I'll do it I won't be able to help it. I'll black out and do it. I'll do it in my sleep. And on and on...

For me, combating it is two-pronged: First, I know I'm not going to do any such thing and I remind my OCD of that. Never have done it, not going to. Then I take it another step, and decide not to care if I do. I don't have to care whether I do the bad thing, because I'm not going to do it but even if I do it, well I decide I don't care if I do it. I haven't done it yet. When I do it, I'll care about it. Not before. Until then, so fine I'm going to kill everything in the house in my sleep. I'll worry about it, when I wake up to find I've done it. Not before. I call it Deferring Anxiety. There's nothing to worry about, because nothing has happened. When it happens is when I'll freak out over it.

It's not complicated, just hard to get started doing. But the moment I dug in my heels and decided that first off I've never done anything like my thoughts, and second, I decided to cop the attitude that I'm not going to care if I ever do anything like my thoughts, things started getting better. I don't get those kinds of intrusive thoughts nearly as often as I used to, and when I do, I can usually shrug them off fairly easily, so long as I don't succumb to the temptation to worry about what-ifs.

This is no different. That computer isn't going to make you d/l CP. Those thoughts aren't going to make you, no matter how badly they try to frighten you over the idea. You're not an automaton. You're not a zombie. If you were a bona-fide pedo, we wouldn't be having this conversation. You'd know it, you'd either be giving in to the urges, or fighting like mad to fight them.

It's like HOCD, homosexual fears. I'm Bi. I know I'm titillated by the idea of same-sex sexual acts. I can wring my hands over being bisexual all day long, but I know what draws me, and what doesn't. I don't get HOCD because I'm not horrified by same-sex thoughts even though I often have angst over them- it's not the same thing. I can want to not be bisexual, but at the same time I want what I want and I want that. You know when you have a certain itch, and you know when you don't.

Well, you've stated plain as day you're not a pedo. So, yeah no your brain can scream at you all day long, but it doesn't make it real, and it doesn't mean you're going to act on those thoughts.

BurdenedMind01 wrote:Hey thanks for explaining some of the thoughts and why they are against who you really are. It’s relieving to here someone else going through something similar to this. It can be tough at times when the thoughts come at you the hardest, telling you, “just do it already! You know you can’t resist it!” Even though deep down inside you don’t want to.

For me, with harm OCD, bedtime was the worst. Wait till I get composed for sleep, and then it would try to bushwhack me. So one thing I also had to do was not act on any compulsions involving hiding or removing dangerous items. I had to force myself to trust that I wouldn't do any harm.

Sort of the same thing happens sometimes in social setting or around coworkers- a fear of something wildly inappropriate, such as an uninvited kiss or touch in an unfortunate locations. Or something as inane as the urge to shout obscenities during a church service. Well, I have to trust myself that I will not do those things. And I don't do them.