Cringing but groinal response from HOCD intrusive thoughts

So today was a bad day for my intrusive thoughts they came out of nowhere and I was like I’m going to go through with them and stop fighting it and see if this is what I actually like

So I laid down and tried to let the thoughts pass and go through with them but it was physically impossible, I found myself cringing so hard that I was clawing myself, scrunching into a ball, gagging and tensing my muscles, it was very bad and I couldn’t tell if I was doing this on purpose or not, I tried so hard to stop having these physical reactions and I told my body to stop but I couldn’t stop cringing, the “disgust” from homosexual acts from a straight person comes from society right? Societal standards, so it wouldn’t make sense for my body to be reacting like this automatically since there’s no real instinct in humans to react like this homosexual acts? This must be something I’m doing on purpose but I can’t control the cringing no matter how hard I try but at the same time I’m getting feelings of arousal or groinal responses idk what it is but it’s pretty confusing, which do I listen to, the cringing or the sensations?