Zoophilia OCD - I can't get this out of my head

Hi,
It’s been a while since my last post here. Overall I’m dealing with my OCD better now, I found a nice therapist, but still sometimes I start despairing over thoughts I can’t seem to share with anyone, if not anonymously on the internet… so I’m doing that again, hoping that someone can help me.
I’ve dealt with POCD for months and it’s still there to some extent, not as strongly at the moment because it shifted to another topic when I got a dog a month ago: zoophilia OCD. Basically, I’m really, really scared of being attracted to and ending up harming my dog. I’m getting lots of intrusive thoughts, and while I can brush many off as just that – intrusive thoughts – some things get stuck in my mind because they just feel too real. For example, I like it when my dog licks/nibbles my fingers when we cuddle. But whenever she does it I remember scenes from erotic media I consumed that involved finger licking, and the finger licking of my dog suddenly has a “sexual context”, and I start wondering if I would see that sexual context even without my OCD, and I wonder if like it in a sexual way.
A few days ago I was petting her head and while I was stroking over her snout I also touched her lips and kind of tried to put my finger in? I have no idea why I did that, and writing about it feels so weird. It could have been because I wanted her to nibble my finger, or it could have been because I wanted to “test” if I really do see it as something sexual, or both. Either way, it now feels as if I did something very weird and that it was, due to the sexual OCD context, animal abuse (even though she didn’t really care I guess). I’m just feeling horrible. Maybe I’m actually a zoophile that just happens to have OCD too. Or maybe this action was due to OCD, but if my OCD makes me do weird things that’s not an excuse. It only makes me scared that I’ll abuse animals just to “test” current fears. I just don’t know what to do. Please help me...

Hello and welcome!

Some folks don't like being licked by animals (non -sexually) and some do. I'm the latter. I don't mind puppy and kitty kisses.

I don't know how old you are but we get people in Remorse torn up over doing very light experimentation with the family pet as a teen/young adult. I... don't think it's something to beat yourself up over myself. It's called being a kid.

I see this as your OCD trying to get away with you. I know once we get a fear in our head of being something we find repellent we'll over think it to death. I've never had POCD for example- not really- but there's been times I've had a child in my lap and I feel my OCD trying to make something of it. I don't let it. I try to nip it in the bud real fast, before it becomes an obsession. I'll worry about being a perv when I am one, not before. And how do I know the difference between OCD and something real? Well, the kinks I do have, I like them. The heart wants, what the heart wants. Same way I know I'm Bi- sure I've OCD'd over my sexuality, but it wasn't classic 'HOCD'. I never doubted that I was excited by thoughts of the same sex.

If you were... eager to practice bestiality, you'd know it.

Thank you so much for your reply. I know this is most likely just my OCD talking, since I never even thought about having that kind of thing until I developed OCD (I'm 21 btw), but I'm scared that even if it's just OCD I did something very wrong due to wanting to "test out" my fears. I remembered another similar occasion, my dog really likes belly rubs and will roll over in front of me to get them, but I'm always worried about petting her too far "down there" so I always make sure to stay at her chest/upper belly. Now I'm scared because I think that one time I gave in and pet her at her lower belly to see if it would make me feel anything. I never touched her genitalia or anything - but I'm still so scared that this or what I wrote in my post above is like a light form of animal abuse due to the sexual context (my OCD fears). I know I'm reassurance seeking, but I can't get this out of my head. I just want to know how "bad" these situations seem to someone who isn't me.