Perfectionist

Hello,

I do not completely understand OCD and the many symptons that are associated with it.

I have shown some of the symptons of OCD: rituals, etc. But those have basically phased themselves out with the help of some counseling.

However, I have developed something new that is quite obsessive. I am kind of embarassed because it is completely superficial and materialistic. However, it terribly bothers me nonetheless, and I feel I need help to control my irrational thoughts.

I am a perfectionist. Not in the sense that most people think of. I know I make mistakes in everything I do. And I am not afraid to make mistakes.

However, my possessions MUST be perfect. I cannot tolerate scratches, dings, dents, non-symmetry, bends, etc. I waste a lot of resources (time, effort, money, etc) trying to repair these material things. It bothers me all day long, and I cannot fully concentrate on anything else. It bothers/angers me to the point where I feel the item is completely worthless to me. And sometimes I do not like to use certain things for fear of ruining it.

I try to tell myself that it's ok. It's still nice and completely functional. But minor things basically invisible to everyone else is all I see. It's like all I see is a scraped bumper....not a car.

I understand that these feelings are completely irrational, but I cannot let go. On the outside, I seem functional and live a relatively normal life. Just in my head, I feel it's a mess.

Can someone please help? I feel exhausted from these uncontrollable thoughts. I understand that it is very superficial and people suffer from much worse things. But I cannot control it.

Thank you very much. I hope by just hearing other people's stories can help me.

I may be able to help you my friend. There is a kind of branch-off OCD called OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder). Basically, people with this are perfectionists that crave order. Here are the official symptoms:

1) Preoccupation with details, rules, lists, order, organization, bodily functions, or schedules to the extent that the major point of the activity is lost

2) Showing perfectionism that interferes with task completion (e.g., is unable to complete a project because his or her own overly strict standards are not met)

3) Excessive devotion to work and productivity to the exclusion of leisure activities and friendships (not accounted for by obvious economic necessity)

4) Being overconscientious, scrupulous, and inflexible about matters of morality, ethics, or values (not accounted for by cultural or religious identification)

5) Inability to discard worn-out or worthless objects even when they have no sentimental value

6) Reluctance to delegate tasks or to work with others unless they submit to exactly his or her way of doing things

7) Adopting a miserly spending style toward both self and others; money is viewed as something to be hoarded for future catastrophes

8 ) Showing rigidity and stubbornness

9) Urge to perfect every little thing

What do you think? Going by those symptoms, I have OCPD because I exhibit every single one of them.

Kevin

Hi, have you found any relief from your obsession with perfectionism with objects ? I too have this exact stuff which you say. There were times I would spend almost 4 days trying to figure out a way to fix it or prove it is normal on the internet. Very exhausting. I am very spiritual person and only thing I can think of is could of been from a past life where I lost something very valuable to me or maybe in this life. The feelings of loss still remain in my system but the experience is long gone. Maybe I try too hard to defend myself from being hurt and loss when something gets damaged as if I replaced those objects as sacred to me and cannot damage or lose them again. How have you been coping and what other stories have you experienced with this ?

Not sure you'll get a response- this thread is 12 years old.

There's a fine line between OCD and OCPD, but people with OCPD tend to be completely blind to their personality disorder, and they also tend to be exacting and unforgiving when those about them, don't rise up to their seemingly impossible standards.

To me simply wanting possessions to be pristine, as in the OP's post, doesn't feel overly OCPD to me- from what I've read in the OCPD forum, those people tend to be the kind the people that have to live with them live in fear of/want to strangle. I exhibit OCPD tendencies at work and I'm only vaguely aware how badly other view me as a work partner and I'm still not convinced that I'm wrong in what I do that pisses everyone else off. Such is often the nature with personality disorders... it's hard to become self-aware.

OCD sufferers, on the other hand, are often extremely self-aware. Which is what this thread feels more like, when it comes to just thinking objects must be perfect. OCPD people, it's their way, or the highway- it's more about how things are kept and done and everyone else needs to fall into line with the OCPD person.

As far as your worry that things might get damaged... I look at it like the broken glass parable:

One day some people came to the master and asked ‘How can you be happy in a world of such impermanence? The master held up a glass and said ’Someone gave me this glass, and I really like this glass. It holds my water admirably and it glistens in the sunlight. I touch it and it rings! One day the wind may blow it off the shelf, or my elbow may knock it from the table. And I say, ‘Of course.’ When I understand that the glass is already broken, every moment with it is precious.

I think perhaps being more in the moment, and enjoying what you have, while you have it, undamaged, may be something worth striving for. We get too caught up in worrying about things before anything bad has happened. I do that a lot, so I'm not speaking from some place of superiority. But I do see that I ought, at least, to just let things go.