I have ROCD and it always hits in the worst ways

I've (23m) been having this strong crush on a girl (24f) I used to work, and we've been talking a lot. But I was on the phone today (not the first time) and it felt super awkward for the first 15-20 minutes or so and now I'm getting some doubts all of a sudden. This always happens, with even the slightest thing. It already happened (to a lighter extent) with this girl, but the doubts went away on their own after a day or two. But now its back 100 times over.
And now I just feel so crushed, its like the excitement and the feelings, and the thoughts about feelings, are just pushed out of me. I haven't felt this way with someone (the bad part) in over a year now, almost 1.5.
Anyone got any help or advice for me?

Hello,

In my experience, some awkward silences and stilted conversation is normal in any crush or relationship, especially if things are mostly over the phone. If you're looking for a partner, you should know that a solid relationship is more like being with a really good friend, with intermittent bursts of infatuation and disappointment, then it is about a constant feeling or certainty. Romantic connection is real, but it only becomes reliable over years, and it shows up more in subtle habits of thought and mind - a certain familiarity or ease, quiet dedication, shared moral understanding, sense of humor, etc. Periods of intense doubt can, and probably will, happen many years in.

Try relabeling and redirecting your doubts. Remind yourself they're not right or wrong, merely obsessive and useless. Then shift focus to something mundane about the relationship; plan a shared activity, just logistically, for example. Or do something you find absorbing for thirty minutes, read something or play a game, and see if it resets your thoughts. Be pragmatic and repeat what works, building up habit and resilience over time. When things are intense, just try to ride it out and watch you don't make yourself worse by 'checking.' (Making obsessive lists, asking for reassurance, going in circles over memories and emotions, etc.) Eating well, good sleep, and exercise also make an enormous difference if stuck with.

Finally, and just speaking practically, taking fifteen minutes and jotting down three or four just-in-case conversation prompts before a call is a great way to avoid awkward silences.