POCD and cartoon porn

I am 24 and I worry a lot about being a pedophile. I have masturbated to cartoon porn and stuff from Rule 34 since I was 15. Some of this includes cartoon characters that I liked when I was child (Ben 10, The Simpsons, Avatar, etc.). Some of the character look young as well. I have never had any sexual thoughts of any actual children and I am attracted to women my age (both real life and fictional). It is recently that I started worrying about being a pedophile, because some online forums said that you are a pedophile even if you like cartoon children and that filled me with anxiety. I have not been able to sleep without worrying a lot. When I was 14, I had anxiety attack about the 2012 doomsday. I worried anytime some one talked about it and from the year itself. When I was 18, I worried about being gay. It started as a random thought that I became obsess with to where I spend hours trying to reassure myself with, like reading online about HOCD or watch gay porn to see if I am aroused by it. Now it is the same with being a pedophile. I was told by a psychologist online that the way I described it, it sound like Pure-O OCD. I just use cartoon porn to relax, but I do not want to be a pedophile. When I look at cartoon porn, I force myself to thick of a actual child to see if I am still aroused. I really prefer not to be around children at all. I am disgusted of actual child porn. I think that I might have pedophilic OCD, but there is always doubt in my mind that this is pedophilia. Is liking cartoon porn the same as being a pedophile?

Hello, and welcome!

I think a OCD mistake a lot of us make, is to equate fantasy with real-world desire. Actually, that could extend to thoughts in general- I have harm OCD intrusive thoughts, and unless I stay vigilant, it would be (and was!) easy to conflate having the thought to harm someone, with actual desire or drive to, as if I will be driven to do something against my will and morals. And of course, that's not going to happen. I think it's the same with some of these POCD fears we see in forum. If I look at cartoon porn, if I have the occasional underage thought pop in my head, I'm not going to worry about it, because I know deep down that I'm not a pedophile. Mind you, I'm OCD enough that I do tend to steer away from mental fantasies that are downright pedophilic in nature- but I'd argue that unless there is a real-world sexual desire for children, mere fantasies are nothing but that- fantasy. And do not a pedophile make. I fantasize all sorts of fantastic sexual scenarios (not pedophilic), that I have absolutely no desire to live them in real life! Some of which would be more than a bit unpleasant in real life... but in a fantasy world, well, that's all they are. I'm not in the least worried that I actually would want some of these extreme things done to me. It's just fantasy.

From the tone of your post, I would say the cartoon porn is just that, just fantasy. It's a kink, but doesn't sound much more to me.