*TW*. Does Anyone Wonder/Question Their Existence?

Like anytime you've got an OCD anxiety panic attack, you question who are you & what you're feeling. You wonder why you're like this, how come I'm the only person to be infected with X? It's a weird feeling, like:
Why am I gay/lesbian? How come I have the urge to harm anyone? Am I a disgusting monster that has a sick attraction? How do I exist? Why do I exist? What is this feeling? How come I wasn't replaced by another sperm? Am I messed up in the head? Am I a bad person? Should I end my life? Is my life done? What should I tell to my family members? What went wrong? Do I deserve to die?

It's like the worst feeling ever. I have always had this question anytime I have a panic attack. I wonder what is my existence, what is my value.

Well you're far from the only person to be dealing with fears like this.

And define the urge to harm someone. Thoughts telling you you will, are not urges. I have harm OCD that, if I allowed it, would often tell me I am going to hurt someone close to me (the usual way harm intrusive thoughts work is with family/pets). That doesn't mean I want to do it, no matter how many times my OCD screams at me that I will do it.

Maybe it would help you, if you thought of this POCD as a monster living inside your brain. YOU- are not the monster. It is. But it's one that's a parasite. It lives on fear, so it does whatever it takes, to make you afraid. When you stop being afraid enough, it starts to starve, and so it concocts a new twist to make you afraid again. You have to start making the decision to not feed it. Tell it it's full of nonsense, and act as if the thoughts don't bother you. They are just thoughts. Worry about them, when you DO something, not before. For me, that helps the intrusive thoughts to become less strong, less frequent. And when they do come, I know how to deal with them. I do nothing..... I just let them come and go and ignore them. When my harm OCD sees it can't scare me into thinking i'm going to kill someone, it goes away. It's starved of its food.