Does It Ever Feel Like You Want To Do It? (POCD)

To everyone dealing with pedophile obsessive compulsive disorder, does it ever feel like you might actually WANT to hurt kids? Does it scare you, or make you feel su*cidal?

Because that's part of what I deal with...

All responses welcomed.

I don't deal with this specific them of ocd but i believe that ocd can definitely makes you believe your worst thoughts and even feel like you want it. I don't know why, maybe that our brains are just trying to find ways to escape the thoughts, and in its logic, thinking that acting (and so the fact that we eventually want them) on our thoughts could ease them, but i'm pretty sure that it will not.
I read all your posts and you feel very despaired, you're not a monster or idk what, the sign that you feel distressed about this thoughts and for so long shows that, please believe me. Stay strong, i know all this ocd can be very difficult and feel horribly real sometimes, but just try to go ahead, idk if you follow therapy but you should keep going and hope one day you'll find peace with yourself.

Well you wouldn't do it unless you wanted to, right? Seems to me, that something telling you you want to do it, would be part of it. Otherwise you'd more easily shake it off. I mean that's how it looks, to me.

So, just another OCD thing?

I think so, yes.

WhyDoIExist wrote:does it ever feel like you might actually WANT to hurt kids

'feel like', 'might actually', 'hurt'

I reckon some folks that posted in Paras understood it was a hurt, but, deep down, do most really think it's harming? A lot don't seem to. They are blinded by their sexual urges.

'feel like' and 'might actually' sound rather doubtful in tone- what tone can be gleaned from the written word without auditory/visual clues. I think most real pedophiles would reason away that it's hurtful... they don't want, or they can't, view it as such. I also think most of them, in a perfect world where it was okay, would give in to their desires.

So yes I'm calling OCD. Also I fully expect OCD will twist everything in my reply, and beat you over the head with it, because that's what OCD does best- our brains frantically struggle to come up with new exceptions, new reasons why we will do/be that obsessional fear. It eats reassurance and poops out more fear. And it won't end, I think, until we decide we are not what it screams at us.

I got the urge to do a mental compulsion (imagining a naked child to test myself). I told myself 'okay, we'll do this, but we need to count to 20 first' thinking that would help somehow. So I did that, and yeah.... Big mistake.

I keep trying to apply what my therapist says by telling myself 'If I were, I would know' and 'The worry came before the stimuli', and also reminding myself that I've gone years dealing with this without hurting anyone (this started at around age 15 or 16, and I'm 24 now).

WhyDoIExist wrote:I got the urge to do a mental compulsion (imagining a naked child to test myself). I told myself 'okay, we'll do this, but we need to count to 20 first' thinking that would help somehow.

No bargaining.... you can't bargain with it.

And, everything your therapist said.

WhyDoIExist wrote:I've gone years dealing with this without hurting anyone

That too, especially, that too....