Just Had A Horrible Thought

So, I was stressing about my fear of being a pedophile again when suddenly a thought popped into my head. Basically, it boiled down to 'if it was legal to molest a child, would you?' And immediately I thought that I would. Like, to get a look at the vagina and whatnot.

Needless to say, once I thought that, I started freaking out, and cried to my mom. I'm terrified. What if this means I actually like kids that way? Does it mean that?

WhyDoIExist wrote: I'm terrified. What if this means I actually like kids that way? Does it mean that?

This means your POCD is trying to control you. Every time you have a freaky thought, and you entertain it, you are giving it control over you. POCD comes in many forms - sometimes it is like a monster, sometimes it is like a magician. Your POCD is like a magician -- it is trying to trick you into thinking you are a pedophile. You are not a pedophile, but your POCD wants you to believe you are. It is an illusion.

Try to fight your POCD by telling it that it's tricks are not working. These thoughts are just thoughts. It's only scary when you start to believe them.

When a bad thought comes into your mind, try to throw it back out. Either imagine you throwing the thought into a garbage can, or see the POCD thought flowing down a river ... and out of your sight and mind.

So, I don't need to be concerned about my weird fixation with the vaginas of little girls? (It scares me)

WhyDoIExist wrote:So, I don't need to be concerned about my weird fixation with the vaginas of little girls? (It scares me)

Nope. The more you worry about your fixation, the worse it gets. Make sure you occupy your time with other things. Boredom and too much free time will cause you to get worse. Trust me, I know this since I suffered from POCD too.

Your POCD thoughts are only true if you act on them. As long as you don't act on them, and you learn to ignore them, they will go away. Your fixation will be less scary when you know that it can't force you to be a pedophile. It takes time, so be patient with yourself.

Got super depressed tonight, and the thought came back to haunt me. It bugged me, saying 'but what if it BECAME legal?' and stuff... I feel awful...

Well thats how OCD works it sucks you in to question over and over then we reassurance seek on this board or in other ways and that just feeds the OCD more.

Thought is free! you never know what might come to mind! Until thoughts are realized in action, they are nothing! Thought is wind. Thoughts are flying like the wind. We can't stop the wind. And it's not so much the thought as much as your reaction to it. A thought comes first, followed by your reaction. The reaction comes at least for the moment, but later. Thoughts do not always correspond to your standards of behavior, your moral criteria, your ideas about the beautiful. But they can bothering their obsession, bursting into consciousness. You will notice them immediately by the force of their manifestation, they are visible as a large wave on calm water. And you kind of don't want them bothering you. But they come regardless of your desire. But you can try to redirect the wind in the other direction. You can, for example, speak mentally to yourself every time in response to these thoughts - I will never hurt the child! Occam's razor - do not multiply entities! And I don't want my kid to meet an asshole who can live out his fantasies.

You can say anything else on the situation. The main thing is to draw a line between this thought and your position.