anyhow, one of the major ones seems to be that i have a huge need to touch everything a certain amount of times or do everything an even/certain amount of times. for example, if something, involuntary or not, touched my left hand, i would need to touch it with my right hand and probably touch it again in the same place with both of my hands. this applied to all of my body parts. sometimes, even my breathing is affected in which my brain tells me that i haven't breathed enough or long enough and i wind myself and make myself out of breath trying to satisfy the thought. if i were to cut myself on the arm or anywhere, say on the left side, by accident, my brain would likely try to make me cut myself on the same place on the right side. sometimes it's not even just touching, like if i click the left side of my screen somewhere, i'll have to go over to the other side and click it the same in the same place.
another one i noticed more recently (that i think is a symptom, if not, please correct me so i can educate myself) is that i am extremely terrified and paranoid of bad/devasating things happening to me or my loved ones. every little thing sets me off- i was texting my mother one day and she said something that was a little off and the entire rest of the day i was thinking that someone had broken in and either killed her or was holding her hostage and that, when we got home, my sister and i would be next. i'm sure this has happened many times afterwords. i'm terribly afraid of anything like that happening to the point where i don't want to go certain places because i'm scared that something bad will happen when i'm gone (like if i went to a party of to my friends house i'll come back to my family slaughtered).
i'm not sure if this helps, but i do get very intrusive thoughts from certain words that i cannot control. for example, if i see something about finger/toenails or teeth, i'll get violent thoughts of them being ripped off/out. the same applies to other words as well (it's not a lot of words, per se, but i feel like it might be worth mentioning). also, i saw online somewhere that picking at the skin on your nails is a symptom (forgive me if this is incorrect), which also applies to me (along with just generally picking at all my skin, like on my lips and at scabs even if it hurts and they bleed).
thank you to anyone who has taken the time to read this, and, once more, i apologize if this is rude or offensive. feel free to correct me or call me out on anything i got wrong. i may very well be overreacting! i just wanted to see if there's a chance that i do have ocd. thank you again!
