I've never even considered these obsessions I have from time to time and thought they were normal but this forum is making me rethink everything... I had no idea this wasn't normal haha...
Throughout my life I've become so obsessed w/ things, I made a list of what I can recall but I know there's tons more
- I become terrified I have certain illnesses or injuries or have done something to hurt myself
EX) once I became convinced tht I swallowed the tab to a can of soda accidentally (sometimes I absentmindedly put them in the soda can), was completely losing it with fear until my friend found the tab on the floor, at which point I cried for like an hour with relief hahah. Another time I thought I aspirated some gum and panicked for a day straight, I had a kidney stones obsession, countless seemingly realistic cancer scares...
- I had a long period where I was convinced I was a sociopath/psychopath/evil and stayed up countless nights googling and taking tests
- Even had a day where I was terrified I might be attracted to my little sister (ew...)
- Came out as a lesbian when I was younger (I'm not but I'm basically bi so this one isn't as intense)
- Obsession w narcissism
- Nights when the thought pops into my head that there's a ghost in my room and then I can't sleep
- Obsession that my best friend hated me or was with a certain person
All of these, when I finally stepped away I realized how STUPID I was to even think I had a problem with any of them as they're obviously not true
I am also very paranoid and am easily convinced that people are talking about me. On at least a bi-weekly basis I walk into school and think that somehow a horrible video or picture or rumor was leaked about me and start over-analyzing peoples faces when they see me. I always think that people are laughing at me.
Another thing is that social media and my phone drive my obsessive tendencies up the wall.
- I'm constantly checking social media because my fear that somehow something got posted about me/ I accidentally posted something incriminating is overwhelming; I'll check my instagram and snapchat stories like 10 times in a day
- I delete and re-download social media apps obsessively
- I perceive social media as damaging and hate my use of it
- This one is weirdd too but on tumblr and pinterest, and other like artistic apps, even my photos on my phone, I become comepletely stuck in routines of "cleaning" them out. Like I won't be able to put my phone down until I've gone through ALL of my pinterest likes and re arranged all my boards and deleted things I don't want. I've gone through years and years on my tumblr blog before trying to delete every post I didn't like. I will do this for so many hours even though I'm exhausted, my eyes hurt, etc. I'll watch every single video on my youtube watchlist just so I can empty it, all day.
Ik I'm missing a lot of things but this is the gist of it. Yet until today I never thought twice about any of this behavior and it doesn't really feel like it's hurting me badly even tho it gives me added anxiety. It's not really daily or at least I don't perceive it as a daily problem? Also, are some of these really just normal behaviors or am I now having ocdOCD? lol.
Sorry this is so long.