The obsession is back what should I do?

So my trans ocd has been going on and off for a bit more than a year now but for a couple weeks I’ve been feeling a bit better. Yesterday I was browsing through tumblr and I stumbled upon a post about a person who questioned their gender for years before accepting that they were trans and it triggered me so much. Now I’m in hell, I can’t look at myself in the mirror without panicking about whether I would like a female body better, I’m so angry at my brain I just want this to stop, I feel like transitioning is the only way out even though I don’t want it. I always liked my male body and clothes, I never felt like I would prefer to be called a “she” at all but now I doubt basically everything in life. I’ve always been kind of a feminine man but I always liked being a guy, now I can’t even look at my body hair without worrying I might like to have feminine traits and I can’t stand it anymore. I just really want this to stop for real, is it possible to have a random realization that you are trans? I never questioned myself before and I never really even found the female body pretty but now I keep looking into my past and I found memories of me trying on makeup and stuff that scares me. My brain is screwing with me because I feel like I might have removed some memories of me being trans from my mind, I don’t know if my memory is reliable or not anymore. Please I need help

Anybody? I’m really scared cause it’s been going on for a while now and I’m scared it might just be denial

There are some problems that are never going to be solved by hand-wringing. It might go away on its own, but by that point you may be so old that you'd make an ugly chick if you did decide to transition. I have absolutely no idea as yet how to solve my problems, but I think yours is relatively straightforward.

What you ought to do is lean in on this one. I mean, it might behoove you to actually try being a woman for a while. Not for any long period, maybe just a few weekends in the next year or so. I hear this is what people that are trying to feel out their orientation do. There are probably some trans forums that can explain that to you in greater detail.

Whatever you end up doing, it would seem to be in your best interest to definitively determine whether you are trans, or simply suffering OCD. Once you do that, then you can seek out the therapy that best suits your new info, be it anxiety or easing into an understanding of your transgenderism.

Sadpeanut wrote: What you ought to do is lean in on this one. I mean, it might behoove you to actually try being a woman for a while. Not for any long period, maybe just a few weekends in the next year or so. I hear this is what people that are trying to feel out their orientation do. There are probably some trans forums that can explain that to you in greater detail.

This isn’t great advice for someone suffering with OCD. In fact, I do not recommend you give advice to people with OCD until you learn more about it especially people who have a fear of being trans or gay.
OCD isn’t an identity issue, and clearly OP is scared of being trans so why would they TRY being a woman? Also your jokes in your first paragraph about transition weren’t funny and can actually spike people around here...

-- Wed May 16, 2018 7:43 pm --

Crybaby92 wrote:So my trans ocd has been going on and off for a bit more than a year now but for a couple weeks I’ve been feeling a bit better. Yesterday I was browsing through tumblr and I stumbled upon a post about a person who questioned their gender for years before accepting that they were trans and it triggered me so much. Now I’m in hell, I can’t look at myself in the mirror without panicking about whether I would like a female body better, I’m so angry at my brain I just want this to stop, I feel like transitioning is the only way out even though I don’t want it. I always liked my male body and clothes, I never felt like I would prefer to be called a “she” at all but now I doubt basically everything in life. I’ve always been kind of a feminine man but I always liked being a guy, now I can’t even look at my body hair without worrying I might like to have feminine traits and I can’t stand it anymore. I just really want this to stop for real, is it possible to have a random realization that you are trans? I never questioned myself before and I never really even found the female body pretty but now I keep looking into my past and I found memories of me trying on makeup and stuff that scares me. My brain is screwing with me because I feel like I might have removed some memories of me being trans from my mind, I don’t know if my memory is reliable or not anymore. Please I need help

Unless you have a strong desire to be a woman, meaning that not being a woman makes you sad and depressed or that you have this internal longing to be female then you’re not trans. As you know i’m having the same fear so I can’t say much on how to cope but keeping what I just said in mind along with the fact that you have a history of OCD should tell you something.

sickofbeinginvalid wrote:

Sadpeanut wrote: What you ought to do is lean in on this one. I mean, it might behoove you to actually try being a woman for a while. Not for any long period, maybe just a few weekends in the next year or so. I hear this is what people that are trying to feel out their orientation do. There are probably some trans forums that can explain that to you in greater detail.

This isn’t great advice for someone suffering with OCD. In fact, I do not recommend you give advice to people with OCD until you learn more about it especially people who have a fear of being trans or gay.
OCD isn’t an identity issue, and clearly OP is scared of being trans so why would they TRY being a woman? Also your jokes in your first paragraph about transition weren’t funny and can actually spike people around here...

fair enough, I'll try to be more sensitive to people's struggles.

For the record, what I meant was that OP needs to do something to confirm or disconfirm their apparent gender identity problems, so as to know if they needed help with OCD or trans issues. Probably could have approached that better. Thanks for correcting me.

I don’t want to pretend to be a woman just like I don’t want to be a woman, I just want to go back to being a happy male but it feels like it can’t happen anymore. I’ve been feeling a lot better for weeks but now it’s back because I remember I used to pretend to be female singers when I was a kid, does this mean I’m trans? I really don’t want to transition but I’m so scared I’m just denying it I’m so terrified

Crybaby92 wrote:I don’t want to pretend to be a woman just like I don’t want to be a woman, I just want to go back to being a happy male but it feels like it can’t happen anymore. I’ve been feeling a lot better for weeks but now it’s back because I remember I used to pretend to be female singers when I was a kid, does this mean I’m trans? I really don’t want to transition but I’m so scared I’m just denying it I’m so terrified

Well, clearly I stuck my foot in my mouth the first time, trying to be witty and not properly considering your distress, as was so expertly pointed out to me. I'll give it another, hopefully more thoughtful attempt.

What you seem to be suffering from is a dissonance that stems from uncertainty about your gender identity. What I'm suggesting therefore, is that you take steps, drastic ones if need be, to resolve this uncertainty. If you can manage that, then I'm sure you'll still need help solving the issues arising from whatever the answer will be. The difference is, you'll be in a position to much more effectively render that solution.

In other words, are you simply (though by no means lightly) affected by OCD about the possibility of being trans, or is being trans something you need to seriously consider? As was also stated previously, the fact that you haven't been constantly consumed with emotions besides just fear/distress over being trans may imply the former, but only you know exactly how you feel about things.

As a lighter aside, when I was an adolescent, I used to have what I'm learning is called HOCD off and on. I'd come across a lot of muscular men, and every now and again, I couldn't help but smile when I saw such a man. I don't think I ever got caught doing this, but I was terrified both that I'd be found out, and that this fact made me gay.

Nowadays, I'm comfortable both in my sexuality, and in the possibility that I'm not as straight as I may think. So when the possibility crosses my mind, I'm free to explore or dismiss it with no difficulty. I think what I'm saying is perspective is everything when it comes to seemingly irrational cognitive concerns. It may simply be that some aspect of womanhood entices you in some way, but you don't recognize it as harmless? I don't know, just throwing it out there.