Pure-O OCD fear of incest

I have had this problem since I was in middle school. It started at the same time that I started being bullied. The bullies were very homophobic and they called me homophobic slurs constantly. I don't have a problem with homosexuality, but I was afraid of being gay at the time solely because of how bad the bullying was and I thought if it turned out I really was gay the bullying would get a thousand times worse. The bullies at my school were horrible and it really traumatized me.
I developed HOCD from being trapped in that hostile bigoted environment for so long, but it went away gradually as the bullying subsided and I made friends and became more secure about my sexuality.

However my Pure-O OCD sprawled out into other sexual based fears like I became afraid that I was a pedophile, that I was attracted to animals, and developed an intense fear of having sexual attraction to family members. Some of these went away when I finally started treatment for my mental disorders at the end of high school, but the ONE pure-O fear that keeps coming back and haunting me is the incest one. It really sucks because I can hardly look at my dad and can't hug him for too long either because I so worried I am going to loose control and become overwhelmed by desire and do things that I don't even want to write down because they disturb me so much, ugh. I have also had nightmares about it. I could shake the fear if I didn't also have this weird physical involuntary "groinal response". That part really scares me.
I go through the thoughts at least once a week after seeing my dad, the whole "what if" question loop. I do not have fantasies about my dad, I try to reassure myself nothing like that is going to happen, but then I get those uncomfortable unwanted feelings and then the whole thing starts up again. So frustrating, I don't know how to shake it. I'm into my twenties and am wondering if anyone else has this specific fear. If anyone has advice to give I would be happy to hear it.

I have had this fear. You should try to go to therapy and maybe do exposure treatment.

Dnester wrote:I have had this fear. You should try to go to therapy and maybe do exposure treatment.

Hi, thank you for responding. Yeah I am definitely going to get right on this problem when I go in to do therapy. I am on a waiting list for it which is somewhat frustrating. Have you been able to get it resolved? You don't have to answer if that's too personal. I'm just wondering.

I can't directly relate. I have a bit of an incest fetish, myself- so that kind of thing isn't distressing. But I do get unreasonable fears that I will act out sexually in inappropriate situations, with people that I would not be sexual with, such as co-workers, etc. Usually in the form of a thought popping in my mind that I will kiss them, or something. Those can be distressing, because I think with OCD it's so hard for us to keep our thoughts straight, and acknowledge that thoughts don't have to translate into a real desire to do something. It was a long time, before I could be comfortable knowing that I won't suddenly act on an inappropriate impulse. I think a lot of times, pwOCD fear losing control, as if something will take us over, and make us do things we don't want to.

Snaga wrote:I can't directly relate. I have a bit of an incest fetish, myself- so that kind of thing isn't distressing. But I do get unreasonable fears that I will act out sexually in inappropriate situations, with people that I would not be sexual with, such as co-workers, etc. Usually in the form of a thought popping in my mind that I will kiss them, or something. Those can be distressing, because I think with OCD it's so hard for us to keep our thoughts straight, and acknowledge that thoughts don't have to translate into a real desire to do something. It was a long time, before I could be comfortable knowing that I won't suddenly act on an inappropriate impulse. I think a lot of times, pwOCD fear losing control, as if something will take us over, and make us do things we don't want to.

I used to be scared I would do sexual acts with everyone and animals were also part of the fear. I distanced myself from everyone during that time, but it's not so bad now. Still it lingers and I wish it didn't because I love my family and don't want to do those things to them.

My pure-O first manifested itself as Harm thoughts.

It took me a long time to become comfortable with the random thought that I'm going to kill pets, loved ones, etc. I still get them, but they don't bother me as much, since I finally convinced myself that those thoughts, aren't going to make me do something I truly don't want to do. Their power to make me afraid, their power to cause me to do a compulsion to prevent it from happening, and their frequency, all dramatically decreased, once I began to practice making myself not care, or worry, that I might kill.

I read that they're ego-dystonic... they're not reflective of something we truly desire, not a sign of something that actually is part of our makeup. I began to make myself not worry about those thoughts. Worry about it, when I do it. Not before. It's a bullcrap thought, it's OCD, it's not truly me, and besides, I choose not to care. I don't care if I kill. I'm not going to worry that I might. I'll worry, if I do. Until then, I don't give a $#%^.

That's what I would do with your fears, were I you. I'm not going to jump my close kin's bones, because these are just dumbass #######4 OCD thoughts, and thoughts aren't going to make me do something I truly don't want to do, and I'll worry about incest, when I've committed it. Not before.

That's what I do with my harm thoughts.

Snaga wrote:My pure-O first manifested itself as Harm thoughts.

It took me a long time to become comfortable with the random thought that I'm going to kill pets, loved ones, etc. I still get them, but they don't bother me as much, since I finally convinced myself that those thoughts, aren't going to make me do something I truly don't want to do. Their power to make me afraid, their power to cause me to do a compulsion to prevent it from happening, and their frequency, all dramatically decreased, once I began to practice making myself not care, or worry, that I might kill.

I read that they're ego-dystonic... they're not reflective of something we truly desire, not a sign of something that actually is part of our makeup. I began to make myself not worry about those thoughts. Worry about it, when I do it. Not before. It's a bullcrap thought, it's OCD, it's not truly me, and besides, I choose not to care. I don't care if I kill. I'm not going to worry that I might. I'll worry, if I do. Until then, I don't give a $#%^.

That's what I would do with your fears, were I you. I'm not going to jump my close kin's bones, because these are just dumbass #######4 OCD thoughts, and thoughts aren't going to make me do something I truly don't want to do, and I'll worry about incest, when I've committed it. Not before.

That's what I do with my harm thoughts.

Ah yay! Thanks Snaga. I will save what you said, it really is a relief to get this out and get helpful feedback. This stuff is almost impossible to talk about in real life so it helps hugely. Thanks again.