ROCD- intrusive thoughts about ex

I've had ROCD for the last 4 months and I had been doing better but now I have a new theme within the ROCD which is tearing me apart, it's about my EX-boyfriend.

We dated on and off for 3 years before finally ending our relationship. He was the one to actually initiate the end but it had been a long time coming and we both agreed it wasn't right anymore, we were definitely on different paths in life. He was never that good to me, never putting me first and basically seeing me as a chore. Our sex life was awful and would want to see friends over me. This was my first relationship so I was blind to a lot.

I took the time to grieve and 6 months later I got into a relationship with my current boyfriend after talking/dating casually for a bit (I wasn't ready for something new right away). We have been in a relationship for about 6.5 months and he is the absolute best. He gives me everything I have ever wanted from a relationship, he is perfect to me (well nothing is perfect but you know), my parents and friends adore him etc etc. I fell so in love with him, more than I ever had with my ex boyfriend. I didn't think about my ex at all, all I wanted to do was be with my current boyfriend.

Then a couple of months into our relationship I developed OCD mainly attacking my relationship and sexual orientation, I didn't know what was happening to me, like an evil brain was taking over my normal one. It hasn't been until the last month that the intrusive thoughts have focused on my ex boyfriend and it's absolutely killing me inside, I am so depressed. 100% I would choose my current boyfriend over him, as we are so much more compatible but the thoughts are constantly "what if you're still in love with him, what if you belong with him and not the new guy, you weren't ready for a new relationship (even though I consciously took the time to make sure I was), your boyfriend was just a rebound etc etc".

I find myself googling for answers every second of every day, which obviously doesn't help anything and I do know that it's unhealthy. There is a lot online that likes to tell you how to live your life especially your love life, like "don't go into a new relationship too soon" (how soon is soon?) but then some do say start a new one. Basically I have a hard time just excepting my life as my life and not constantly feeling like I've done something awful. Going online always makes me breakdown in tears.

It's at the point where I would LOVE my ex to be in a new relationship, as I have a fear he's going to knock on my door wanting me back. I want to focus all my attention on my new boyfriend (he's not that new anymore haha) I wish I'd never dated my ex now as I wouldn't have these thoughts now. Why would I want to go back to someone who was bad to me? It doesn't make sense!

Thanks for listening, sorry if it's long, just need some advice x

I would say firstly to stop testing by googling things. When you're in a high anxiety state with OCD it doesn't take much for it to spin out of control.

OCD will attack anything you hold near and dear, like your relationship. And it isn't logical, as you've expressed that you love your current boyfriend. Really it just comes down to being very diligent with yourself and letting the thoughts just be without 'undoing' them by searching online, asking for reassurance, etc. Then it will get better the more consistent you are.

I know how you're feeling though, as I'm currently experiencing ROCD and HOCD. Just have to hang in there and focus on the positive.