OCD or Hebephilia+Bisexuality+Gender Identity Disorder

I need help, cause I can't live with myself anymore. I've been suffering from what could be OCD for 3 years already, yet none of my presumed OCD's had symptoms that didn't fit into OCD diagnosis. I live in constant anxiety, pain, loneliness, lack of affection and striving for some. I'm empty, depressed and angry.

I am a guy, 23 years old.
My first problems started as relationship OCD in a classic manner: I had a sudden mental image of me writing to my (now ex)-girlfriend a message "I don't love you, we should break up". I was scared, started obsessing over it, and then continued to be tortured by myself for 8 months. I did checking, I was ruminating every second and I felt extremely anxious. Classic OCD, BUT: I also have reached the point where I actually felt nothing but annoyed around my partner, avoided her and felt repelled times to times, which made my obsessions worse. When actual problems started and it was obvious that I have to break up - I couldn't, I continued obsessing and whenever I though of leaving - it was too painful. We were codependent. When I have finally did it, I was crushed, then I had 2 months of silence since I had nothing to obsess about.

Then I had what was kinda like crush on another guy (I first thought that he should be a lady magnet and how they should be head over heels over him, and then I kinda felt the same), that freaked me out, I started thinking that I'm gay or bisexual (I had these thoughts for 2 months when I was 13-14 when I discovered that I like anal stimulation and it felt kinda good although not arousing to hug my male friend. Although there I just left those thoughts behind and moved on). I started checking again, looking at gay porn feeling repelled, but sometimes I actually was aroused and had gay fantasies, which makes me believe that I am in fact bisexual (like 1 on Kinsey scale), but it still freaks me out. I feel attracted by a male every now and then and repelled at the same time.
Discovering that one is bisexual around 22 years old is very unusual. Yet it's possible. But am I that homophobic that I can't accept it?

Then I started having sexual fantasies of being a gril (to be honest, I was always focused on what the girl feels during sex and her display of pleasure always concerned and aroused me more then mine), which led me to believe I am trans. It started to go deeper, and now whenever I wanna say smth I imagine me saying it with a female voice and I think I love it, which scares me. Like my mental voice is feminine (I even say that it's mine, I don't reject it), but whenever I sound girly I feel bothered or scared. I feel more and more repelled by my own body (or at least body hair and my large and rough hands). I couldn't have gotten a haircut for 6 months, my hair grew long and I was obsessing over looking girly, but afraid to get a haircut cause it could make me look too manly and hence make me hate myself even more. When I finally got it, I looked like a man and kinda liked it on the first day, but on the second day all I saw in the mirror was some ugly lesbian girl. So in short I feel that I hate myself, my body and being a guy, get constant aching feeling and urge to talk like a girl, sing with a female voice, act like one and have one's body for my own enjoyment and loving myself, but I'm scared shitless of being one.
Again, gender identity disorder is usually developed in the childhood/adolescence, but there are rather cases of late onset GID.

But here is the worst part. I started having POCD but overtime I've been coming to a conclusion that I'm an actual hebephile and this is the worst cause it never can be acted upon (like the first two) and has to be suppressed (the fact that I care about acting on it/upset about it is bad enough).
Again - started with intrusion. I saw a 9-year old girl in a swimsuit lying on belly semi-doggy-style with her buttocks exposed and I felt super weird, kinda aroused (but that's a very ###$ up and unpleasant arousal, like her legs and butt were round, and I focused on that, since it's generally attractive, but since it was a little kid it felt bad). Long story short, I was scared shitless, and I avoided her as hard as I could. Then over the course of ruminations I've realised that I find girls of 15 attractive, was obsessed about it and scared. Then I learned about hebephilia and ephebophilia, realised that the latter is kinda normal and was more or less fine with it. But now I find myself drawn and having kinda crushes on 14, 13 and sometimes, god forgive me, even 12 year olds!
For instance, my flatmate has her granddaughter visiting every week, she is 13, but she is already in tanner stage 3 or 4 of puberty, has curves and breasts and has a voice and acts like a teenager, rather than a child. Sometimes I see a child in her, and I'm not attracted, but most of the times I see a teen/young woman and I feel attracted, despite the fact that I hate it. I even had a sexual fantasy about her, which is clearly not ok.
And there are more cases like that *mod edit*. Even worse, I feel more drawn towards teens than adults, and I fear that a lot. My sexual thoughts 95% of the time involve women or late stage teenagers, so nothing too bad here, but I think that my romantic feelings or whatever that is are now biased towards girls age of 14-16 times to times and I'm very afraid. It's like, I find them more beautiful, cute and I feel better when I see them rather than girls of my age. I don't remember being head over heels over a peer for a while. I don't know what's going on, it wasn't always like that, pedophiles also develop they condition in puberty, while I was normal. Well, not anymore. While this all stuff is very controversial and hebephilia isn't considered to be a paraphilia, it's still horrible to be like that. I can't connect and fill emptiness inside while contacting with girls of my age, and I can't come close to teen girls. Part of me wants to do that very badly, other is shocked that it's happening and hates myself for writing that now. I obsess and try to find an explanation (like maybe I'm attracted to certain features that are typical for adult women but can be found in kids) for what is going on, but that's just denial, I can't accept being that dysfunctional.
I feel doomed. I don't know what to do or how to live further.