questions please help

So I'm 18 for the past year I have he a lot of intrusive thoughts to name some murder, death,suicide, pedophilia, transgender so on and so on at first the thoughts scare me and frighten me i dont want them or ask for them and there affecting me like:

sometimes i feel like my atraction for men is less or lowerd and im scared if the thoughts come back again i will like them or im going to start to like the thoughts is this also part of the OCD playing with me

I just feel like giving up and let the thoughts take over but I did try meditating which helped a little i mean it will take time but it helped also I wanted to ask can the thoughts make someone believe and feel the thoughts are them but it's still the ocd playing with them I think I'm getting over it a little like getting back to my original self but the thoughts still there