I need help(harm ocd) i wish i could just die

So it all started with hocd 7 months ago ,after thay transgender ocd and now harm ocd , i have thoughts about killing , stabbing ,hurting my familly and my girlfriend ,the thoughts are making me cry especially the ones about my girlfriend ,i lover her so much (i cry writing this) when i was young i had thoughts about killing my familly ,running from home but i don't think i enjoyed them , if i don't enjoy them now , i did a ton of psychopath tests on interent and i am a very kind and loving guy ,i love my parents ,i do not remember wetting my bed or killing animals , i did shot water at my cats and dogs because it was fun but i never hurtted an animal ,i could not even cut a chicken's neck , something that my grandma does every week , i feel like i enjoy the thoughts but i don't and i feel some kind of urges , i am done , hocd , tocd and now this ? I wish i would just die ,can somebody reassure me about this? When i was a kid i had fears of viruses and diseases and death and human organs , i was scared.by them , even now i saw my heart on a monitor because i have some heart problems and i felt somehow uneasy and weird , i didn't liked that , please why did i had such thoughts when i was young ? I don't remember to enjoy them ,if i don't enjoy them now then i didn't enjoyed them back then no ? Please i am desperate

Hey there!

I've had harm OCD on and off for a long time, and I've never hurt anyone. You have to remember these are just thoughts, and thoughts never hurt anyone- they also never made anyone do something they didn't want to do.

The way I finally started to get over these thoughts was to stop caring if I did do anything, and make myself not worry about it- I'll worry about killing someone, when I do it. Not before. I reminded myself I hadn't ever killed anyone, and I'm not going to start now. It takes an effort but it did work for me. The more you worry about the thoughts the longer they persist. Once I stopped trying to push them away, stopped worrying about having them, or worrying that I would do something, and tell myself I don't care about the thoughts or if I do something, then it got better. The thoughts come much less, and don't persist in staying... it's just about impossible to not think a thought, right? It's like trying to hold back waves at the beach. But if you just let the thought come and go on its own, then it passes by and it's gone. Like letting the wave lift you and pass you by.

Thoughts are just thoughts.

It's my understanding, from my reading... that harm thoughts are quite common. Most people just shrug, laugh them off as odd thoughts and don't think any more about it. But folks like us obsess and worry about it, wonder how we could have such terrible thoughts.

In harm OCD, loved ones and pets, are supposedly the common objects of harm thoughts. Which makes sense- who else are we going to worry most over uncontrollably hurting? But these are just thoughts. I've had harm OCD on and off for over forty years and I've never acted on them.

Hey there,

I am suffering a similar problem as you. I feel that I am a kind and loving person, but I also have some kind of demon trapped inside of me and I want to die sometimes. We both have to remember that thoughts aren't actions. We haven't ACTUALLY hurt anything or anyone, and therefore we have done nothing wrong. We have nothing to feel ashamed of.

Thoughts that aren't put into word or deed, are thoughts that die unborn. It does seem trite to say, 'they're just thoughts', since we put so much stock into our thoughts- but on some level, that's quite the truth.