I need support about hocd if this is hocd

First of all im 18 years old male. I was attracted to girls for my whole life, being gay didn’t even cross on my mind.until 1 month ago i saw transexual porn and got aroused after that i asked a question myself “Am i gay” and next day i thought about it for 24 hours in school i looked my male friends to check myself and asked myself -do i want to ###$ him - do i like him like these questions and if cant answer them with with confidence i got anxiety like what if i am gay. But the most disturbing thing is ###$ by another man dude when this thought comes my mind and if i feel like i want it i like it these emotions feels very very real and this is driving me crazy i am getting pure anxiety i can not stop thinking that 7/24 i look males and checking my emotions do i like them or do i wanna get ###$ by them and my mind says, yes of course you want it you like it and i feel like i like it and anxiety comes after that sometimes i cry and get very angry i am hitting walls my hands tired i am also tired sometimes i wanna suicide i can not be gay this feels like different person inside me i feel stuck on this
And i will never get healed and i will turn gay. İ dont understand for 18 years i had many crushes and few girlfirends i always watched straight porn and got aroused by women and never man, i was even doing jokes about being gay (no offense i am not anti-gay person i have gay friend of mine) and I just want to know what İs going on with me and don’t wanna be gay please help me

If you are getting uncomfortable and repelled by these thoughts you are not gay. I can't diagnose things here, but our childhood preferences make us who we are. If a man is gay for the 20+ years in a row he can't turn straight, just like in your situation you can't turn into gay. Once again, i can't diagnose anything since i'm not a qualified therapist, but you have intrusive thoughts they can make us believe even that our earth is being ruled by an enclave of aliens, not true btw just like obsessive thoughts do these misfirings...

Thanks but my hocd replaced by transexual ocd magically in one night with transexual ocd my hocd symptoms are gone now i am sure i like woman not man but now it feels real too i have always liked my body and i was sure that i am male. For 1 week i am doubting everythig and analyze everything. After i read about transexuals i saw that they feel uncomfortable with their genitals and its happening to me right now its crazy i look my genital and i am freaking out i feel like i feel uncomfortable with it but also i have never wanted to be woman even 1 month ago i was upset because i dont have much beard i dont know it feels crazy when i had hocd i couldnt look at man now i can’t look women popping thought do i wanna be woman and it ruins my life i have important exam this summer and all i can think is what if i am transgender i have never felt like woman and dont want to be one.i wanna ask can ocd create fake feelings and emotions like they are real