"POCD" - I think I'm almost at the end of the road.

Hi

This is one of the so many times I've posted here and it's like I'm running in vicious circles. But I feel I'm almost done with all of this.

I'm a 23 year old gay male and since begin 2016 I think I'm a pedo. Most POCD people on here are clearly just OCD and many even say they KNOW they're not attracted ina wrong way. I don't know... I like old/young porn etc and I like it when the younger dude looks like they're about 16-18 years old. All the porn I watch is legal though offcourse. Now it has gotten to a point where I get precum to everything I don't want to. Mostly random children. Even when I'm in the supermarket and I see little children which I have no interest in at all in a wrong way I get a tingling in my crotch and when I check I have precum. Or when I hear a 13 year old kid's voice online I get precum. Like wtf. Do real pedos even have this? I mean does precum always mean you're horny?? I have a low libido but I'm very scared it's because I don't accept "my true orientation". But I just don't know.. they say pedos know they are that way.. I am doubting and my mind is clouded.. Questioning everything.. What I do know is that when I had my first sexual interests I was NOT interested in children AT ALL. Also now I don't desire children in a sexual way. And IF I do it would be 15-16 year olds which I guess is normal since I'm only 23. But I'm NOT desiring them, I don't really want them badly or something. And I'm not stupid, I'm not going to do illegal things. I don't have urges. All I want is an adult boyfriend who I can enjoy life and sex with. I got butterflies the times I dated older people then me. I think it might have even been love. I'm now recently talking to a guy who I like who is older as me but I'm questioning if I do really like him or that he's a 'cover up' for me being a pedo. It's no fun at all.. It ruins my life.. My libido is low so yeah.. I don't desire sex (if we're talking about pure sex out of hornyness, love is a different story) with him much (it breaks my heart to say this) but neither do I desire sex with someone inapropriate or anyone really.

Many people on here who I have PM'd begging to talk just have ignored me. This gives me the feeling I'm a sick pedo even more.. Please someone help me.. Is this OCD or am I in denial?? And this just feels like I'm defending myself and "denying" I'm a pedo.. :'( I'm really at the end of the road. I can't take it much longer..

Are you still seeing a therapist?

Snaga wrote:Are you still seeing a therapist?

Yes I am.

You're telling them all this?

Yes I will