Grossed out by family and intrusive sexual thoughts

Hello everyone, I'm a 22-year-old male who's been suffering for quite a long time.

You see, ever since I was around 15, I recall drifting apart from my family. Even though I was a very cheerful and spontaneous boy when I was little, I started turning down any family plan and I just wanted to be in my room alone. I never knew the reason, but as I got older, I realized most of the time I have an irrational sexual disgust towards them. I don't like them touching me, hugging me, showing me their feelings. And I love all those things with my friends or other people. It's just them. I avoid eye contact, I feel like I can't take off my shirt in front of them (as if it was a sexualized symbol or anything). I just think my unconscious believes there's some kind of sexual innuendo in all of those activities and I can't bear it. Anxiety and depression are ruining my life and I can't help but think it all stems from that. I rationally don't have sexual feelings towards them or think they have them towards me, but my mom's face or my sister's face have popped up in my head a few times, as an example, when I masturbate and I felt totally grossed out by the thought of it (of course I didn't continue). I don't know what to do. I can't seem to have a normal life with my family, as I would like to, and this is definitely taking a toll on my health.

I don't know how to proceed. Should I force myself to bond while being totally grossed out by their touching me or whatever? If anyone can shed some light on this I would be very grateful. Thank you very much.

Hey there welcome to the board.

I'm a 31 year old male that's suffered from OCD since about age 7 and HOCD since I was 19. While your story doesn't sound like HOCD, it's similar to my story as 1) it's based on sexual OCD and 2) it's irrational. My primary advice is to consult a mental health professional as I am not a licensed health professional. That being said, it is best to accept these thoughts and enjoy time with your family. You are not interested in having an incestuous relationship, which is good. It is generally a good thing to hang out with your parents, siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins. You are not going to do anything sexual with them and I don't think they'll do anything to you either. Just see these thoughts as they are: irrational and unwarranted.