OCD or actual suicidality? Please read. Carefully. HORRIFIC.

sickofbeinginvalid wrote:

igoger wrote:So basically this is my situation:
1. I do not consiously think about it, it is like a wave of thoughts which cause knot in the stomach and nervousness.

This right here itself proves it’s OCD and not actual suicidal thinking. When I’m suicidal, I WANT to have those thoughts and i’m thinking about it conciously. Obviously no one WANTS to be suicidal, but suicidal people want the thoughts, because it gives them a “solution” to the pain they are feeling.

igoger wrote: 2. I do not find relief in the thoughts(sometimes the OCD makes it feel like I do, but I do not think it is true because my anxiety raises high up when it happens and if i truly found a relief I would consiously think about it, not trying to avoid it and distract myself, google, reddit, reasurance etc.)

Our brain ATTEMPTS to find relief in the thoughts because it’s so sick of being in constant fear and anxiety, that it tries to accept what you are fearing. But that doesn’t mean the thoughts are true.

igoger wrote: 3. I do not feel hopeless. (Sometimes I get intrusive feelings, but they are not true.)

Then you are probably not really suicidal.

Everything else you’ve said further indicates to me that it is OCD. If you were suicidal, you aren’t going to fear the thoughts as much as you want them as a mean of coping with pain.

Holodeck wrote:You've described your pain as OCD is. If it were suicidal depression it would be how I described it.

The pain of spiraling depression is different from anxiety. Anxiety over fearing this type of thing is totally different than seeing death as an easy way out. For our kind, it wouldn't ever be an easy solution even if the OCD makes us think of it easily.